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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Expect to be criticized for delays, imperfections, or any other way you may fall short. Don't promise more than you can deliver, and be prepared to do more than expected. Temptation will be your biggest enemy. Don't let love hold you back.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Confront your fears. Participate in activities that broaden your outlook or help you use experience to make gains. Travel plans should include both business and pleasure. Getting the most for the least should be your intent.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Change your surroundings, or visit someone you don't see often. You will learn more from people who have chosen a different path. Combining what you learn with what you already know and do will lead to an interesting new beginning.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Take matters into your own hands. Do whatever it takes to improve any personal or financial situation you face. An interesting partnership can help pave the way to greater opportunities. Love is in the stars, and romance should be your plan.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Speak up, and share your thoughts. The information you get in return will be valuable, allowing you to make changes crucial to your success. A unique or diverse approach to an old service or skill you have to offer will pay off.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Participate, but don't overdo or overspend. Stay within your means if you want to get ahead. Networking events will lead to good connections and possibilities. Show interest in what others do, but be sure to add input to the conversation.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Love will interfere with your ability to get things done properly or on time. Don't get wrapped up in emotional melodrama when you have the opportunity to gather information that will help you get ahead or help others.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don't rely on others. Arguments are likely to occur. Focus on getting what needs doing behind you so you can entertain someone you love. Putting more time and effort into your personal life and creative endeavors will pay the highest rewards.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Put your attributes to work. Make changes at home that will lower your overhead. A moneymaking plan should be implemented into your schedule. Starting a service that benefits others as well as your cash flow should be your goal.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do your best to enhance your personal life and love relationship. It's important that everything runs smoothly at home before you venture out and make professional changes. Invest in you, your family, and your future. Speak from the heart.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't get angry when it's what you accomplish that counts. Get busy turning your ideas and plans into a reality. You can stabilize your home and financial life with a few simple adjustments. Let your intuition guide you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Self-evaluation may be disillusioned. Ask the opinion of others in order to come up with a realistic plan. Love is in the stars, and networking will lead to an interesting connection. Do your due diligence before making a commitment.

 

 

 

 


More DI Rejected Headlines:

• Police officer loses leg while disarming suspect

• Martian astronauts die from mercury poisoning

• Best friend's new boyfriend has a goddamned opinion on everything

• Half-bath sufficient to meet area man's immediate needs

• Sexist stereotype holds up well to empirical scrutiny

• Area mistress's unplanned pregnancy leads to shotgun divorce

• Menu fraudulently describes pancakes as "World Famous"

• Animal-shelter closings linked to dramatic rise in canine-on-leg sexual assaults

• Hefty woman breaks wind, chair

• Theoretical mathematician can't explain how he still has a job, either

• Humor columnist's friends all have "great ideas for a Ledge" and poor follow-through skills

• Local woman forgets the Titans

• Twice-baked potato bars half-baked potluck suggestion

• Generous male benefactor makes 29 "endowment" jokes during fundraiser

• Dennis Hopper still not relevant

• IRS fails to net projected revenue from new "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" tax Andrew R. Juhl thanks Matt Gorman for contributing jokes to today's Ledge.













 
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