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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Schedule fun activities that will challenge you mentally and physically as well as bring you in contact with people you want to get to know better. An adventuresome, take-charge attitude will bring great results. Romance is on the rise.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Do what you believe will bring the best response. Less talk and more action will result in better relationships with the people who mean the most to you. An updated look or method of getting things done will pay off. Avoid pushy people.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let anyone limit what you can do. Demand to know what's going on if you are being given the runaround. Make alterations that improve how you feel about the way you look and the way you present what you have to offer.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Someone you feel responsible for is likely to cause you worry or loss. Find out the facts before defending someone who may not have told you the whole truth. Don't get angry; make adjustments to protect your home and family.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Emotions may be difficult to control if you don't plan your day carefully and focus your energy on getting along with and enjoying the company of people you find entertaining and who have a calming effect on you. Love is highlighted.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Spend time mastering something you enjoy doing that has potential to bring in extra cash. Don't give up one thing for another. Balance and precision will allow you to do both to the most benefit. A lover or colleague will disappoint you.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You have options, but being lazy and letting someone else do for you will lead to loss. Take the initiative, and invest in your talent, not someone else's. Love is on the rise, and romance should be instigated.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Listen, but don't reveal your plans. Someone will take advantage if you are too accommodating. An emotional situation will change quickly if you aren't attentive. Prepare to counteract any misunderstanding that occurs.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Stay on top of any money or medical issues that arise. You stand to benefit from doing the right thing at the right time. An emotional matter will lead to the changes you want to see happen at work and in your personal relationships.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do the legwork, and cover all the possibilities when working alongside someone who may not be as diligent as you regarding integrity or money matters. A conversation will reveal the differences between you and the person you are dealing with.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't feel you have to take sides. Follow your heart; it will lead you to the best place you could be. A strict budget will pay off, allowing you to make positive changes to your surroundings and your domestic situation.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Do your best, and work as hard as everyone around you, but don't reveal your true feelings. Someone will want to make you look bad. Withhold information that may incriminate you or be misinterpreted. Jealousy is apparent.





More Gray Matter Goulash:

• It always surprises me that "being approached on the street by a man in costume" doesn't rank higher in those polls of people's greatest fears.

• "Oh, actually, I don't drive." seems to be the new "Oh, actually, I don't have a TV."

• I read that the Dutch are using stem cells to make hamburgers now. It's kind of hard not to feel like they're just messing with us.

• Let's have a moment to remember all the spies who gave the ultimate sacrifice in order for *Cosmopolitan* to get its hands on those top-secret sex moves.

• Those premium pet-food commercials with close-up money shots of all the freshest ingredients must give starving people the world over a real chuckle.

• "Cutting back" is good in terms of watching your caloric intake but bad in terms of knife revenge.

• Candy bars are about the only realm in America where "fun size" means "small."

• Word to the wise: Don't order that book The Elements of Style if you're expecting tips on how to dress more fabulously.

• Someone should start a rival magazine to The Atlantic called The Pacific, and all the contributors should be smug fishermen.

• If it wasn't for stop signs and the UFC, I feel like the octagon would be one of our least-used shapes.

• You know, it's true what they say: It's the little things in life that count. Like wearing mittens and secretly flipping people the bird.

— Will Hartman worries that his conscience might actually be an asshole.

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