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Badly going to worsely

BY BEAU ELLIOT | JULY 10, 2012 6:30 AM

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No, I'm not going to say anything about the Red Sox.

There's nothing to say about the Red Sox, except that it's kind of like the fire in the Iowa City Landfill — it just goes on and on for the longest time, badly going to worsely.

(Which, yes, grandma in my brain, I understand "worsely" is not anywhere close to being a word, now or ever. But in the case of the Red Sox, we should make an exception).

The Red Sox as a landfill fire — that pretty much sums up their season.

That also pretty much sums up House Republicans, who, this week, will pass the 31st bill to repeal so-called Obamacare (the previous 30 failed in the Senate, as will this one, and even if the measure somehow passes in the Senate, a miracle on the order of the Maginot Line repelling the Germans in 1940, President Obama would veto it).

So one wonders why — maybe many wonder why; it wouldn't be the first time — Republicans, who frequently scream, then shout, then rail at jet-lanes taking off auditory levels about saving taxpayers' money, would spend taxpayers' money voting 31 times to pass a bill that they know beforehand will wind up in a ring of Dante's Hell.

(Which is probably somewhere in Mississippi these days, given the education levels there. Republican governors have seen to that, given their extraordinarily wise budget choices.)

Take Gov. Rick Perry. (Yes, grandma in my brain, I understand he's not the governor of Mississippi. My father is a geography professor; I understand that Mississippi doesn't even border the state of Texas, which Perry is allegedly the governor of.)

Perry, who once was a candidate for the GOP nomination for president (No, seriously. If Mitt Romney wins in November, Perry will probably be in the Cabinet — no, seriously. When did Mad magazine start running the world, you wonder. Well, actually, The Onion runs the world and has done so for around 10,000 years or so, ever since The Onion unleashed agriculture and rectangular housing on unsuspecting human beings.).

Anyway, back at the narrative, such as it was, Perry recently came out (who knew he could come out?) and said the great state of Texas would not join Obamacare in setting up health-insurance exchanges and expanding Medicaid. Because, he said, all Texans have access to health care now.

Well. That's an interesting thing to say when your state leads the nation in percentage of people without health insurance — just about 25 percent, according to a plethora of sources. And yes, those people do have access to health care — it's called the emergency room.

Just about every health-care professional will tell you that's an extraordinarily expensive and inefficient method of providing health care.

And that's why the United States spends around 16 percent of its GDP on health care, while the rest of the industrialized world, with its "socialist" health care, spends half that. So says the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, which studies that sort of stuff, because most of the rest of us don't have the time or the expertise.

But Republicans continue to rail about Obamacare, even though it's based on Romneycare in Massachusetts, which the Mitt was once very proud of but now runs away from it with admirable speed for a man of his age. Who knew?

Of course, the Mitt also runs away from any talk of offshore financing or offshore bank accounts. Romney's new motto, apparently, is, What happens offshore stays offshore.

You know, the Mitt would be better off if he had stashed that dog offshore instead of on top of the car.

Badly going to worsely.

Blame it on The Onion.


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