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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don't let worry get to you when all that's required is a couple of personal changes. Distance yourself from anyone who is holding you back. Arguing will be pointless when change is required. Uncertainty is the enemy.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Consider carefully before you take a step forward. Making an impulsive move will cost you emotionally. Someone is likely to give you false information if you appear gullible. You can listen, but be fully aware of your options.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't volunteer information. Follow through with your plans. Think ahead, and allow room for improvement. Don't limit the possibilities by worrying about what others think. Don't let temptation lead you astray or upset your budget.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Stick to the rules, and everything will work out. You will come up with interesting ideas if you let your imagination and creativity shine, but figure out how much it will cost before you take a leap of faith and jump into something new.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You'll drum up all the assistance you need to move forward with your plans. Altering your routine or making changes to the way you live will bring positive results. Visiting unfamiliar places will be inspiring. Love is highlighted.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Learn from your experiences. Not everyone will be trustworthy regarding what you are being asked to contribute. Read between the lines before you sign on the dotted line. Protect your reputation and what you have to offer.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Take control, own whatever skills you have, and people will want what you are offering. Communication will help you expand and reach your goals. Change is upon you, personally and professionally. Follow your heart.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You really need a boost. Push yourself into doing something that entices you. An investment may not end up being what it originally appears, but with a little adjustment, you can make it work. Networking will lead to greater options.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Partnerships should be your prime concern. Whether you are dealing with someone personally or professionally, establish boundaries that allow greater equality. Don't let anyone goad you into making changes that don't suit your lifestyle.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Set your goals to include finding out more about a project or talent you want to pursue. Interacting with younger or older people will help you gain a unique perspective on something you want to embrace. Don't let impulsiveness be your downfall.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Improvements that influence you personally or improve your finances should be a priority. You have plenty to gain if you make alterations to your surroundings or lifestyle. Love and romance will bring positive changes and greater stability.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't get involved in a no-win situation. Focus on what you can do, and spend time with people who share your values. Create a peaceful environment that will soothe you rather than disrupt your plans and your future.





Adventures in the Kitchen:

• If you find pizza on the counter from the night before, it's still delicious. If you find cottage cheese on the counter in a milk carton, it's probably not. Probably.

• Names are often misleading: "garbage disposals" are not meant to dispose of garbage, a "cupboard" isn't a board with cups on it, and vanilla tastes like death.

• When asked about the alcohol in your kitchen, say that it used for cooking. (NOTE: this only works if you have real food in your kitchen and non-Jäger alcohols.)

• Microwaves are not designed for your drying needs. But they'll work.

• A "beer-battered" corn dog does not denote a corn dog you made while drunk on Natty Ice. (But OMG, nothing goes better with Natty Ice than beer-battered corn dogs.)

• If for some reason your kitchen has carpeted floors, the five-second rule no longer applies.

• TIP: Using a blowtorch to cook a pig rotisserie-style is not cost effective and takes FOREVER. Still, it's delicious.

• If you bring somebody home from the bar and the next morning your kitchen is clean, breakfast is on the table, and they're gone — track them down and marry them.

• It takes a lot of guts to mess with a clogged garbage disposal. Either you reach into a dark pipe for sharp, disease-giving objects OR you blindly flip the switch and hope a fork doesn't shoot directly into your forehead.

— Nathan Wulf thanks his friends Anthony and Andrew for contributions to today's ledge.

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