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ARIES (March 21-April 19): The more you help others, the better you will feel. Your gestures will be rewarded handsomely. You will attract people who are interested in getting to know you. A connection has the potential to turn into a moneymaking venture.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Put your emotions aside, and get down to business. Avoid being inflexible if you want to progress. Weigh the pros and cons and you will come up with a plan that benefits everyone. A little goes a long way, if you compromise.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Send out your résumé and make cold calls. If you are happy with your current professional position, do something to escalate your chance to advance. A responsible attitude and work ethic will pay off. Don't let someone's poor judgment bring you down.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Experience something unique. Take part in an event or activity that will teach you something new. Traveling, communicating, and creating a plan that allows you to use your skills in unusual ways will lead to greater demand and success.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You will make progress if you work in a group setting. Volunteering your services will help create demand for what you have to offer. Donate your time, not your money, and you will gain respect. A change in location will do you good.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don't get confused. Size up your situation, and do what works best for you. Don't let anyone lead you astray or put demands on you. Doors will open if you are straightforward regarding what you have to offer. Protect your reputation.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You'll attract attention and partners. You will grasp information quickly and use it strategically. Sticking to a budget will protect you from setbacks. Love is in the stars, and a change of pace will do you good.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don't let emotion interfere with the choices you make. Be realistic about money matters and investments, and be creative regarding your living space and emotional needs. Innovation and a good plan will lead to something tangible.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Stick to the truth. Embellishment will not go over well with the people you care about the most. Changes at home should be welcome, and nurturing your personal relationships is a must. Love is in the stars.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Fond memories will lead you back in time and encourage you to pick up old hobbies, as well as old friends. An important contract or money matter will play out in your favor. Responsible action will pay off.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Use experience to figure out what to do next. Don't miss out on a chance to be with someone you love because you are afraid of rejection. Share your thoughts and feelings, and you will know what to do next.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't let challenges stifle your dreams. Avoid opposition and interference by allowing others to do as they please. Jealousy will stand in your way, and anger will make you look bad. Put on a happy face, and send out positive vibes.

 

 

 

 


Director's Cut Endings You Probably Won't See:

• Underwater aliens save the Titanic from sinking

• Gandalf keeps the Pharoah's army from passing the Red Sea

• Sigourney Weaver as Jane Goodall intervenes to save King Kong

• Haley Joel Osment sees M. Night Shyamalan's dead career

• At the end of Inception, Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange cameo and knock the top off of the kitchen table

• A headless horse tramples Michael Corleone

• Buffy stakes Loki

War Games computer Joshua is bested in a close game of Words With Friends

• Spider-Man is defeated by the Orkin Man

• Quentin Tarantino jumps out of the Lost Ark and scalps Nazis aplenty

• Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum realize the virus they want to upload was created on Windows 95 and the aliens are running Macs

• Rescuers save Wilson but leave Tom Hanks behind

— Brian Tanner is working on a tag line.













 
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