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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don't get flustered if someone tries to bully you. Stand your ground, and use experience to outsmart and outmaneuver anyone who stands in your way. Your courage and knowledge will far surpass anyone you encounter. Face a challenge head-on.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Use your imagination, and delve into projects that are unusual or geared toward helping others, but don't let anyone take advantage of you emotionally. If you are clear about what you are willing to contribute, you will stay in control.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): An empty promise will cost you. Unless you have something in writing, you must be practical and act on what you know is factual. There will be greater returns if you invest in the skills, talents, and services you have to offer.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Refrain from changing your mind. You'll be viewed as unpredictable if you cannot make a decision and stick to it. Focus on what you can do to solve problems instead of creating more. A short business trip will bring high returns.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't wait for someone else to do the work. If you want to make an impression, you have to be the one responsible for what gets done. "Too little, too late" will be what stands between you and your dreams, hopes, and wishes.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Problems regarding work and employment will develop if you appear to be unstable and emotional about the changes going on around you. Concentrate on doing the best job possible and keeping your distance from gossips and rumormongers.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Let your intuition guide you when it comes to the way you look and the people you want to spend time with. Both love and physical looks will play important roles in the changes that take place now.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Careful whom you trust with your money, possessions, or assets. You have to take responsibility for whatever you have or are trying to obtain. How you handle your obligations will influence your personal and professional position.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Work on your partnerships. Make sure that everyone you are dealing with is happy or at least understands your situation. Love is in the stars, and a change in your personal lifestyle and living arrangements looks positive.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't base your decisions on what you hear secondhand. Someone will provide incorrect information, which can lead to an unwise choice if you act too quickly. Concentrate on home, your investments, and how you can protect what you have accumulated.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Trust in your own judgment, not what someone else says or does. Avoid anyone who is overindulgent or boasting. Stabilize a relationship that means a lot to you by making a commitment or promise to accommodate a request being made.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): An insightful view regarding work and money concerns will help you make a decision. Look for a way to incorporate what you've done in the past into what's expected of you now, and you will save time and money.

 

 

 

 


Ways That I Am A Badass

• My reasonably priced hybrid vehicle has truck nuts.

• I've only once ever had to ask Edna next door to open a jar of gourmet pickles for me.

• When power-walking, I listen to "Eye of the Tiger" on my Walkman, wear my breathable jogging suit, and strap little weights on my ankles.

• I had no choice but to beat up your niece over a difference of opinion on Twilight-related matters.

• While zipping around on my 10-speed, I hum the Wicked Witch of the West theme.

• I glare at squirrels and smaller-sized birds just to intimidate them. And it works.

• I knitted and bedazzled my own Ed Hardy T-shirt.

• I have a nickname and my own barstool at the Junkyard Dawg Saloon. Tell 'em "Shirley T" sent ya.

• I drink Coca-Cola heavy. Neat.

• I don't know kung-fu or anything, but I have seen The Matrix at least seven times.

• I'm in a scooter gang. We're called "Vespa Friends Forever." We wear denim vests, in case you were wondering.

• I crush Slim-Fast cans against my forehead.

• My vast array of power tools is matched only by my collection of commemorative plates.

• I had a memorial tattoo done on my bicep after my hamster, Mr. Pockets, made the ill-informed decision to snooze in my shoe. RIP, Mr. Pockets.

• I can carry my own organic groceries, thank you very much.

WILL HARTMAN is tough as manicured nails.













 
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