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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Turn your talents into a moneymaking commodity. A couple of alterations to the way you present what you have to offer is all it will take. Love and romance are in the stars, and emotional matters can be successfully addressed.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don't promise what you cannot deliver, especially where money is involved. You are best to underestimate what you have or can offer. Uncover the facts, and determine what's required for you to reach your goals before helping someone else excel.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't get angry, be constructive and take care of your responsibilities. Love is in the spotlight, and uncertainty will push you into a make-or-break scenario that must be addressed openly. A couple of subtle changes will help.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Concentrate on what you have to accomplish and keep moving. A change in philosophy will be dependent on the people you encounter and the way you are treated by your peers.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You will excel by sticking to your budget and keeping things moderate. Don't be afraid to implement new ideas or to step into the spotlight and promote what you have to offer. You will attract both personal and professional attention.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take a wait-and-see approach. You need to play it safe if you don't want to end up being blamed or criticized. Don't make changes at home that may upset loved ones. It's important to feel out a situation before you proceed.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Explore new avenues. Learn whatever you can that will help you secure your earning power. A trip, lecture, or research will be eye-opening regarding a project you want to pursue. A move will lead to better opportunities.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Experience will help you make the right choice now. Don't bring emotions into a work-related matter; however, showing off your fun side will help you form better work relationships as well as gain respect and confidence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Caution must be taken while traveling and communicating. An unfortunate slip of the tongue can lead to a misunderstanding that can cost you emotionally or financially. Make alterations at home that better suit your needs and comfort.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Concentrate on helping others and finding solutions to problems you face personally. Don't try to buy your way in or out of any situation. It's best to know what and whom you are dealing with before making a commitment.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Look at your personal situation and home life, and know what you want to achieve. Love is in the stars, but you must play by the rules and avoid a situation that has the potential to hurt someone. Honesty is the best policy.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Problems will surface with people who matter to you. Clear up any confusion by sticking to the truth. A change is likely to occur, but the end result will be good for you if you maintain your integrity.





We hold these truths to be self-evident (and a little nerdy):

• Surely I'm not the only one who says "Enhance" out loud when zooming in on Google Maps.

• Tuesday, April 3, is so last week.

• Do you think Bruce Wayne just compulsively looks up at the night sky every 30 seconds or so? That's gotta get old on a first date.

• Why do Empire stromtroopers wear all that armor when a single shot from a blaster pistol is all it takes to bring them down? Function over fashion, Darth, you stupid Sith-head.

Star Wars puns? Never funny.

• At the end of the Lord of the Rings, Bilbo Baggins is 131 years old. Just goes to show you: old hobbits die hard.

Lord of the Ring puns? Always funny.

• It is unfathomable that the debate about whether the Red Baron (Manfred von Richthofen) was a hero or a villain rages in historical circles to this very day. He made frozen pizzas; obviously he's a hero.

• It's sorta weird that Frankenstein started out with a full body, right? I mean, if he just wanted to prove he could create life, then it seems like it would've been simpler (and required less trips to the charnel houses and abattoirs) if he'd just done so with a head and torso. Or a cat.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Jayne Sanderson for contributing jokes to today's Ledge.

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