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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Anxiety is no reason to rush a project, relationship, or anything else. Mistakes are made when you don't take the time to think scenarios out to the end before you proceed. Think, plan, and make your next move count.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You need to get out more. Enjoy the company of people who have something to offer. Put any regrets behind you, and forget about what you cannot have. Focus on the present and what you can achieve.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Listen, but don't respond to a threat, pressure, or anyone trying to push you into something you don't want to do. Emotions will be difficult to control, and disagreements will swell up quickly if you leave yourself in a vulnerable position.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Concentrate on doing a good job and researching something that interests you. Don't allow a burden to dampen your day or your plans. Work quietly and efficiently in order to clear time to enjoy friends, family, or your lover late in the day.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Get involved in something you feel needs reform. Your suggestions will attract attention and bring about change. An opportunity to travel or to communicate with someone special will lead to an interesting proposition. Prepare to make a move.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Practicality will be required, especially if someone is giving you a hard time. Focus on you, your talent, and your ability to get things done properly. It will be difficult to criticize what you do if you strive for perfection.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Avoid anyone putting pressure on you. Do what you can, but don't feel guilty if someone complains. Change may be required in the way you treat business or personal partners in order to maintain equality in the relationship.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put more into your home, family, and future prospects. Get your plan in order. Partner with someone willing to contribute as much as you, and you will create an opportunity that demands what you have to offer. Love is in the stars.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't believe everything you hear. Confusing directions will lead you astray if you don't ask for help. The mistake you make will be trying to impress someone by exaggerating what you know or what you are capable of doing.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do whatever it takes to improve your financial situation. Size down, invest wisely, or join forces with someone you love in order to bring about a better lifestyle. Now is the time to consider your options and strive for improvement.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Home is where the heart is, and it will keep you safe, happy, and in tune with the people you love most. Consider past goals, and you will come up with a way to pursue a dream that will bring you satisfaction now.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Emotions will escalate if matters of controversy enter the conversation. Put more effort into your personal and professional goals rather than getting involved in an argument you cannot win. Love is highlighted.





There's Still Hope for Humanity:

• Comparing opening weekend grosses, The Hunger Games—a movie with characters and a AN ACTUAL PLOT—beat out Twilight and its glittery abs.

• IHOP continues to carry crayons and not question me when I borrow them and fail to color inside the lines.

• When I asked across four different servers how to keybind my bottom center quick slot in The Old Republic, I received helpful responses 85% of the time, with only a scattered few "bind your mom" jokes and obscenities.

• Someone is always there for me when I need them the most, whether I sent a distress call, staffed a jet, or requested Shield points.

• "Love" in any of its material, fleshy, or pure forms has 8.5 billion hits in Google, while "hate" returns roughly a tenth as many results, which I can only assume are spread evenly across all subjects and ideas.

• Whenever I'm driving and searching for the Reuben I dropped and veer into the other lane, oncoming cars are polite enough to veer off the road.

• I can go to Menards and describe the basic equipment I need to mount a cooler and potatogun to my motorized barstool and be given excellent service and suggestions on how to improve my design.

• There weren't any media pandemics of {animal} {sickness} last year, so I got to use my 4th quarter inoculation/zombie defense budget on beer.

Nathan Wulf is a glass half-full, but sitting on the keg, kind of guy.

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