New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A little charm mixed with insight and unusual ideas will help you accomplish your goals. Picking up more skills or finding new ways to implement what you have to offer to a wider variety of people will pay off.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You'll learn a lot by asking questions and showing interest in what others are doing. Networking will lead to new connections personally or professionally. Love is in the stars, and showing your emotions will add to your appeal.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't be afraid to share your ideas. You will be able to invest in something that will help you raise your earning potential if you set your budget and stick to it. A serious approach to an unusual service will be a learning experience.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Sensitivity to what others say or do will leave you feeling vulnerable. Keep your guard up and your ideas to yourself until you are fully prepared. A trip to view or experience something you want to incorporate into your plans will be encouraging.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Stick to your plan of attack, and you will come out on top. Keep a close eye on anyone trying to steal your thunder. You mustn't leave any room for error, or criticism will prevail.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Socialize, present what you have to offer, and look for compatible people to share your goals. Love is in the stars, and whether you are single or involved, spending quality time with someone special will lead to happiness.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You'll have trouble making up your mind, especially when it comes to partnerships and what you will or will not do in order to get your way. Using force will not bring you the rewards you seek. Let things unfold naturally.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Make plans to network, or socialize with people who share your interests. Much can be accomplished personally if you are open with your feelings and intentions. A change of plans will work in your favor. Let passion be your guide.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't let anyone stand in your way or play emotional mind games with you. Bypass anyone attempting to control your life. Focus on home, family, and the improvements you can make to combat negativity. Do what's best for you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself. Don't let a last-minute change of plans ruin your day. Experience coupled with insight and dedication will help you take care of personal matters that will improve your life.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Change whatever isn't bringing you happiness. Consider a new job, reconnecting with an old friend, or finally following a path that will bring you greater satisfaction. Keep things simple, concise, and within your budget.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You'll be tuned in to what others want and expect. Your insight will allow you to make things happen and keep the momentum flowing. A partnership is in the stars, and reuniting with someone will lead to future benefits.





How to Own an Evil Restaurant

• Hire very attractive, charming servers. Who are 17.

• Tell all your employees they are not performing to standard, omitting any specificity. Let them work for three months adhering to all guidelines, paranoid, and then fire all of them. This way all complaints can be settled with "Sorry, she's new."

• Promote safety and cleanliness first, until you realize just how many chicken breasts you dropped on the floor and how long it takes to cook frozen food.

• Keep a really old lady employed. If you ever feel like firing anyone, old people naturally keep tabs on all the reasons why younger people suck.

• Increase your soda sales by making the small cup start at 32 ounces and doubling each subsequent size.

• Keep the ranch exclusively by salads and continue to not treat ranch as a condiment that is delicious on everything.

• Post your business hours online for convenience.

• Post your daily system downtime on your front door for convenience.

• If an employee maliciously yells at The New Guy and another employee messes up The New Guy's schedule and yet another employee calls in sick when he's obviously just hungover — leaving the place short-staffed because The New Guy didn't even know he was supposed to be at work that day — then, by all means, fire The New Guy immediately to remind him that negative behavior will not be tolerated.

Nathan Wulf will lick ranch off of anywhere. Anywhere.

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