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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Get a grip on what's important, and leave trivial matters for later. Taking advantage of opportunities that will help you reach realistic goals will eventually bring you success and recognition in your field.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take advantage of an opportunity to try something new. Keep your eyes wide open, and let your enthusiasm lead you to a better place. What you learn now will help you explore ways to turn what you have to offer into a viable commodity.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let your emotions run wild or your temper flare up. Concentrate on what needs to be done to stabilize your life mentally, emotionally, and financially. Secret affairs will be tempting, but deception will lead to trouble.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't let what someone says ruin your day or depress you. Focus on home, family, and relationships with the people who really count in your life. Love and romance are highlighted, making this an important day to share your feelings.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Keep moving, and you'll avoid trouble and criticism, allowing you to accomplish your goals. Don't be afraid to change your opinion if you discover information that warrants a review. Your ability to show fairness will be appreciated.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Call the shots, share information, and spend time marketing and presenting your skills, services, and current goals. A partnership will play an important role in the decisions you make regarding your future lifestyle, routine, and beliefs.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't allow uncertainty to cloud your mind or interfere with decisions necessary to personal or professional advancement. Make changes at home that allow you the time and space to develop and do your own thing. Take care of paperwork.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put more time and effort into partnerships, and you will be rewarded with the response you get. A joint venture will result in a far better product, service, or outcome. Communication will help you work toward a fair and equal arrangement.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You'll be torn between what you want and what you can have. Alterations to your living arrangements will help you get closer to your goals. What you learn through the experience will help you come up with a viable solution.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Investments will pay off. Look at property or improve your assets by adding something that is in demand. Making a service, product, asset, or even your own personal appeal more enticing will bring greater rewards. Love is highlighted.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't let someone's melodrama ruin your day or take up your time. You have to concentrate on your own life and how you can make it better. Avoid taking on someone who has ulterior motives. Ask questions, and make decisions based on facts.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Passionate encounters will bring rewards if you remain objective and concentrate on the positive. A new beginning using old ideas can lead to an interesting comeback if you are willing to reunite with people who can contribute.

 

 

 

 


Tips for Employment Seekers:

• Remember, your race, gender, and ethnicity don't matter. Everyone is an equal-opportunity employer who gives preference to women, minorities, and veterans and will shoot working-class, blue-eyed German boys on sight.

• Résumés are supposed to be brief summaries of your accomplishments and skills. The community service you did to pay off your fines was simply "volunteering at animal shelter." The letter to the editor you wrote about women's rights to impress that chick is "wrote for The Daily Iowan."

• Most entry level jobs require at least a doctorate and three to five years of experience. So stay in college at least until you can meet that.

• Always list three to four references who aren't relatives, friends, former bosses, coworkers, teachers, or casual acquaintances.

• Know how to answer surveys. Will you steal from us? Are you a drunk who rarely shows up for work? Are you a spy for our competitor? The answer is always "Yes." They know nobody would ever admit they are, but they also know that we know that they know that we are terrible people. So by answering "Yes" to everything, you blow up their Hirebot's head and force the company to interview everyone.

• Make sure to fill out all of your former employer's addresses, reference's address, and college address because the hiring process is still dependent on Pony Express to communicate.

• When applying to that crap job after you graduate and before you find your real job, DON'T TELL THEM THAT. It's always been your dream to work for Walmart, and you have no ambition to better yourself in the future.

Nathan Wulf will subliminally advertise for whoever hires him.













 
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