New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Forget about what you cannot change right now, and focus on work, advancement, or getting a job. Practicality will be required if you want to maintain your status quo. Enthusiasm will be well-received.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Make a suggestion, take on a challenge, or try something new. Most of all, be a participant. Networking, socializing, and connecting with others will bring stellar results and can also enhance your love life. Live in the moment.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let your emotions take over, causing an argument between you and someone you love. Keep things in perspective, and you will find a solution to any problem you face. Working alongside others is the way to go.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Worrying about a change of plans is futile. You are better off working with whatever you are given and doing the best you can. Show strength and courage when making personal decisions, and you'll reap the rewards. Love is highlighted.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Put an idea into motion, and don't look back. It's up to you to do the legwork and to demonstrate what you can offer. Your unique presentation will lead to an interesting new way to bring in cash.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Learn by watching others. Your perception and intuition will guide you to recycle, improve, and redirect your skills to suit the current needs that are growing in your community. Romance is in the stars, along with travel and socializing.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't keep secrets regarding money matters, health, or a commitment or contract you are involved in. You have to clear the air if you want to be able to make the moves most beneficial to you. A change of mind is likely.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don't let uncertainty ruin your plans. Move full speed ahead, and let everyone see how capable you are when faced with change. Home improvements will help your personal relationship and enable you to expand a service you offer.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Keep your thoughts to yourself, and don't expect favors. You are best to go it alone and to make whatever changes are necessary to reach your goal. An unexpected change at home will be quite beneficial.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Examine your position, and you will come up with a plan that will benefit you financially, physically, and romantically. A change to the way you live will lead to a better relationship with the people in your life who count.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Put more effort into relationships at work and home. Avoid overdoing it in any way, shape, or form. Discipline will be the key to getting ahead. A change in your routine or the way you earn your living looks promising.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You'll be drawn to highly energetic people capable of making a difference in your life. A partnership can help you market what you have to offer with positive results. Compatibility coupled with equality will make your pursuit successful.





Amazing, But True (But Not):

• Dogs and humans are the only animals with prostates.

• Cat's urine glows under a black light. This was only discovered after a stoner's cat peed on his Pink Floyd poster.

• Human birth-control pills also work on gorillas. We know this because of a few really slutty gorillas. Slutty but pragmatic.

• The penguins that inhabit the coast of South Africa are called "jackass penguins"— mainly because they play pranks on any humans that come near them and participate in stupid painful stunts … which are HILARIOUS.

• The first bomb dropped on Berlin in World War II killed an elephant at the Berlin zoo. (They mistook it for Goebbels after he went off his diet.)

• Napoleon lost more troops in Haiti than in Waterloo, but to be fair, there wasn't a lot of tourism road signs in Haiti.

• In our lifetime, we make 17 gallons of tears. Even more if The Notebook is one of your favorite movies.

• Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine. This is why it's OK to feed your cats diesel.

• The fingerprints of koalas and humans are indistinguishable, which is why there are so many innocent men imprisoned for crimes obviously committed by koalas.

• Snails can sleep up to three years, possibly more if they forget to set their alarm clock.

Daniel Frana urges you to come out to the Summit Comedy Showcase tonight, at the Summit (obviously).

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