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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take care of minor health problems. Sort out differences you have with a peer or colleague. Put more effort into the way you treat others and how you take care of your needs. Raise your profile by being unique.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take time to think matters through before you react physically or emotionally. It's important to know your limitations and to put your efforts in the right place. What you have to offer others can be your saving grace.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't invite trouble. Do what needs to be done, and keep moving. Interact with someone who can help you raise your income or connect you to people interested in what you have to offer. Your opinion will be more valuable than you realize.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Unexpected changes may set you off, causing you to miss an opportunity that has the potential to alter your personal and professional life. You have to learn to adapt to the inevitable so you can focus on your success.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't give up or give in. Forge ahead on your path, and strive to reach your goals. Following someone won't work. Decline any offer that doesn't allow you to demonstrate what you have to offer. Love and romance are highlighted.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Expand your interests, and make changes that will show others you are up-to-date and ready to take on any task that comes your way. Sharing your thoughts and interacting with people who interest you will lead to improved relationships.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Ask for favors, or offer what you can to someone you need something from in return. Sharing and collaborating will help you get ahead personally and professionally. There is money to be made if you market your skills creatively.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Use your experience and intuition to find a way to achieve your professional goals. Don't allow anyone to push you around. Make decisions based on your needs and don't budge. Love and romance are on the rise.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make changes to fit your current situation. Instigate a move or do a little renovating or redecorating conducive to your pursuits. Business travel will help you see what needs to be done, allowing you to react promptly and efficiently.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Put greater importance on home, family, and your personal budget. Taking action now can save you a loss in the future. Looking for love or doing what you can to enhance a relationship you cherish will bring positive long-term results.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't be afraid to be different. It's your uniqueness that attracts interesting people to your side. Emotional blackmail may be used to get you to do something you don't want to do. Before you take that route, consider walking away.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't be fooled by empty promises. Get any offer in writing before altering your life. You must look out for you and your family first. Your astuteness will impress someone who does have something worth your while. Wait, and you'll get results.





Random thoughts:

• They should start making vegetables out of foods people actually want to eat.

• I really should stop encouraging my cat to hit me in the face.

• Einstein once said, "If you stop learning, you start dying." So today I watched the "Super Bass" video 500 times and learned what "dolo" means. I. Am. Alive.

• I think it's really interesting that most of the people who say "I love music" seem to hate about 99.99 percent of it.

• Why do people always want to show you pictures of their babies? Do they think the rest of us don't believe them? The next time somebody shows me a picture of their newborn, I'm going to scrutinize it a full 10 seconds before declaring it "obviously shopped."

• Ever wonder if Egyptians refer to their out-of-the-way locales as "Bum-f*** Iowa?"

• How did scientists figure out that Earth was born on April 22? (Also: the Earth is a Taurus? Like Meatwad?)

• In about five years, Macaulay Culkin will be roughly the same age as Catherine O'Hara was when she made the first Home Alone movie. Without doubt, there should be a franchise reboot where Kevin McAllister leaves his kids alone on purpose as a way of teaching them self-subsistence. THIS IS WHY YOU NEED ME, HOLLYWOOD. I WILL MAKE YOU GOBS OF MONEY.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Jayne Sanderson for contributing jokes to today's Ledge.

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