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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Keep personal matters a secret. Information in the wrong hands can lead to consequences that are uncontrollable. Focus on improvements you want to make and skills you want to learn. Romance is in the stars.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Trust your judgment over someone else's point of view, especially when it comes to financial concerns or how you earn your living. Giving someone else control will cause an argument that will ruin your relationship.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't waffle under pressure. Prepare for any circumstance that arises by remaining calm and applying practical solutions. Stay away from anyone playing emotional mind games with you. Find a way to secure your position personally and professionally.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Start a new hobby, or do something out of the ordinary. You need to spice up your life and experience something that will inspire you to use your imagination and discover your hidden talents. Bypass regret by becoming a participant.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Take stock of your past, and indulge in memories that will bring your emotions to the surface. Remembering experiences that taught you a lesson will help you avoid future mistakes. Offer suggestions, but don't donate your cash. Live and learn.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll pay a price if you take action without giving thought to how others feel. Opposition will lead to a heated debate that is untimely and costly. Don't make a big deal out of something you can subtly change over time.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You will win favors and support if you are honest regarding your motives and show sincerity and respect for the people you are dealing with. Love and romance are in the stars, and a commitment can be made.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Stick close to home. Don't pay for someone else's mistake. You must protect your possessions and assets, regardless of the circumstances. Reconnect with someone who has skills that can help you achieve your goals now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You won't know which way is up if you get involved in an argument with someone who masterfully executes emotional blackmail. Back away, and rethink your position before you fall into a trap that will be difficult to escape.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Put more emphasis on health and self-improvement. Getting rid of bad habits will bring you one step closer to perfection. Take heed of the criticism given, and you will be able to fix any flaw you have. Invest in you and your future.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Follow your heart and your basic instinct, and you will find your way to the top. You have plenty to offer someone who believes in you. A commitment will inspire you to finish what you start and to aspire to greater heights.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't meddle, or you will be stuck in a no-win situation. Problems with friends, relatives, and neighbors will leave you in an awkward position. Someone from your past may comfort you, but the person will also add to the problems you face.

 

 

 

 


My First Ski Trip

• Ski lessons are important. You learn that leaning left makes you go left, and leaning right — all for only $50.

• Lift tickets are a scam. Don't they know that I can just walk back up the hill if I want to ski again? I can get in at least four to five good runs each day.

• How is there a mountain resort in Iowa? Is Large Hill Resort not catchy? Where do I rent the sleds? Inner tubes?

• Just like in life, the key to impressing a woman is diamonds.

• To graduate from the bunny hill, you must capture a bunny during your run, break its neck, and eat its heart. (You don't even want to know how to graduate circle and square hills.)

• If you're the best skier at an Iowa ski resort, then whoopity-freakin-doo; don't be a dick. It's like the hottest guy at the Dark Ascension Prerelease.

• I bet a fat guy invented skiing. One minute skiing, five minutes on the lift eating a Snickers and talking about how awesome you looked? That's a fat guy.

• Biggest surprise skiing: They don't sell snow cones. That seems like a no-brainer.

• Apparently, fake snow does not make fake snowballs, which do hit real ski instructors, who will really throw you off the Large Hill Resort.

Nathan Wulf skipped bunny-hill graduation.













 
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