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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Keep a low profile, and take care of business. It's important to clean up loose ends so you can assess your situation and move forward with an open mind and a set goal. Don't let emotions interfere with what needs to be done.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Love is in the stars, and a little romance will do you good. Volunteer or offer your services to a campaign you believe in, and you will meet someone interesting. Nurturing friendships and business relationships will bring excellent results.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Volatility should be your prime concern. Whether it is in your personal life, an organization you are involved with, or a potentially ugly situation, protect your interests and retreat before it's too late.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Live, love, and laugh. You have to enjoy life, not let it pass you by or just endure it. Let down your guard a little and experience new people, places, and interests. Take action. Make changes at home that add to your comfort.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You'll be tempted to overspend on people and on items you don't need. Impulsiveness and spontaneity can be wonderful attributes, but they can also get you into trouble. Stick close to home, and avoid fast-talking sales people.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll be drawn to people who are aggressive and who know how to get things done. Take part in whatever is going on around you, and you will enjoy the results you get. Not everything has to be perfect to work.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Look, see, and do. It's up to you to take charge and to make things happen. Finish jobs and enjoy the company of your peers and colleagues. Interacting with others will lead to bigger and better opportunities.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put more effort into your home, family, and domestic life. A couple of adjustments can make your home more comfortable and entertaining. Love is in the stars, and time spent with the one you love will enhance your relationships and your life.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Put greater emphasis on your talents and how you can use them to get ahead. Don't let love stand in the way of progress. Emotional matters will escalate if you meddle. Go about your business, and let things unfold naturally.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Someone from your past or something you did way back when will have an effect on your life now. Let love flourish, and experience what someone is offering that is unique and comforting. A twist of fate can be expected.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Keep your funds and your possessions in a safe place. You'll be tempted to burn through your assets, resulting in uncertainty regarding something you want to do. Use discipline and hard work to attain your goals.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Keep a level head, and everything else will fall into place. A power struggle will not be worth your time and effort. Go it alone if you want to avoid opposition. Your strength and courage will impress someone with clout.

 

 

 

 


15 Ways My Girlfriend is Like Crack:

•She's the first thing I think of when I wake up.

• She makes my heart race.

• She makes me feel like I can take on anything. Any- thing.

• Sometimes, she keeps me up all night and makes me sleep all day.

• Wherever she is, a spoon and a lighter are like- ly also nearby.

• Ever since she came into my life, it's been harder and harder to get to the gym.

• The first time I had her, it was on a street corner and didn't cost me a dime.

• Since then, she's gotten really expensive.

• She's not as pure as originally advertised.

• Because I've been spending an inordinate amount of time on her, my grades and work perform- ance are noticeably slipping.

• I like her, man, but not enough to go to jail for her.

• Because of her, I'm no longer allowed to donate blood or plasma.

• I don't think I'll be able to give her up unless I start doing heroin.













 
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