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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Socialize and have fun, but most of all, enjoy the company of someone special. Love is highlighted, along with being at your very best physically, mentally, and emotionally. Spread a little joy around, and enhance your reputation.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don't look for trouble. Meddling will only bring you grief. Put your energy into what you can achieve on your own. Explore, develop, and pursue ideas and plans you want to present in the future. Hard work will pay off.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Stick close to home and to the people you care about. Spending time making your place comfortable will benefit you and your family. Love is on the rise, and the reality of where you stand in a relationship will be revealed.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): What you can do for others will help you enhance your reputation and your chances of landing a better position. Your actions will be what counts when someone of importance tallies up the score. Do your best to satisfy others.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your charm and diplomacy will bring you good fortune. How you handle the people you work with and for will determine what you can aspire to in the future. Networking will pay high dividends and help you stabilize your position with contractual commitments.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your anxiety will be easy to detect. Being open will result in some difficulties, but it will also help you deal with a pending problem that has been slowing you down. Face the music, take care of your responsibilities, and prepare to move on.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Go where the action is. What you do for others or offer in knowledge and experience will bring you the same in return. Sharing and collaborating will help you get twice as much accomplished and allow you to mix and mingle with interesting people.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don't let your heart rule your head, especially when dealing with people you are trying to impress. Do your best to display your skills and talents rather than your thoughts and ideas. Tangible results will be what counts in the end.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't allow anger to stop your progress. Get moving. Take action and show everyone what you are capable of. A change at home will lift your spirits and inspire you to strive for higher goals. Love is in the stars.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Size up your situation, and look over your personal papers. You may want to make some simple but effective changes that will help secure your home and family for the future. Changes to your living arrangements can benefit your overhead.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't believe everything you hear. Find out firsthand, and stick to what you know is true. You can impress others and persuade them to see things your way. Diplomacy and honesty mixed with a little charm will help you get what you want.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Someone from your past will play a role in your future. Reach out and ask for help. A partnership, job, or friendship can develop because of a kind gesture that reunites you with a person heading in a similar direction.

 

 

 

 


Warming up for Thanksgiving:

• I'm thankful that water buffalo don't find me sexually irresistible.

• I'm thankful that I don't urinate through my tear ducts and vice versa.

• I'm thankful that toilets are incapable of holding grudges.

• I'm thankful that I don't resemble the illegitimate lovechild of Steve Buschemi and Paula Poundstone — despite actually being the illegitimate lovechild of Steve Buschemi and Paula Poundstone.

• I'm thankful that my little sister knows how to take a hit — and that my back fender does, too.

• I'm thankful that I'm too poor to own stocks right now.

• I'm thankful that I didn't perfect my Sith-like telekinetic powers until college, thereby saving several of my high-school teachers the trouble of having their heads explode à la that scene in Scanners. I still miss my friend, Seth, though…

• I'm thankful that my impressively cogent sense of humor has allowed me to orange nipples orangutan.

• I'm thankful that NyQuil is still available over the counter and still legally purchasable after 2 a.m.

• I'm thankful that my blood isn't composed entirely of miniature Joe Pescis wearing pickelhaube helmets.

• I'm thankful that the viewership of "America's Most Wanted" has really dropped off in the last few years.

• I'm thankful that I've never been hot-boxed in a Jetta by Condoleezza Rice during a three-day road trip to Sea World … except that one time.

Andrew R. Juhl wants to know: What are you thankful for?













 
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