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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You can make personal changes that will help you raise your profile, update your image, or get ahead. Focus on self-improvement and marketing what you have to offer. Your ability to express your view will impress someone important.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Overreacting, being stubborn, and letting emotions cause disruptions in your family or with a friend must be avoided. You are best to keep busy and quiet. Idle time will be your enemy. Productivity will bring positive results.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Share your ideas with someone you are in a business or personal partnership with, and you will get interesting feedback that will help you fine-tune how you proceed with your plans. A personal investment will pay off. Love is in the stars.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Accept the inevitable changes going on around you, but don't initiate any yourself. Put more effort into perfecting your skills. Don't let someone limit what you can do by dumping responsibilities in your lap. Do your share and nothing more.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Plan something exciting, or take a day trip that will bring you in contact with people you find stimulating. Focus on change and trying new things. Your experiences will add to your knowledge and provide vision for future projects.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll get all worked up over little things that should be ignored. Concentrate on what you know, and contribute to a cause you feel is worthy. Don't let your domestic life stifle your dreams, hopes, and wishes for the future.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't let anyone play with your emotions. Your ability to concentrate and get things done will wane if you are bothered by what others do or say. Spend time helping those in need or making your home more comfortable and manageable.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take advantage of any opportunity you get to express your thoughts and to interact with interesting people. Your ideas can be turned into a moneymaking project. Don't sit back and procrastinate when there is so much you can do.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make changes at home that are conducive to developing something that you want to pursue. Good fortune will come your way if you are proactive and discuss your plans with people who have experience and knowledge you lack.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You should do whatever it takes to increase your assets. Downsize and consider liquidating what you have tied up in uncertain markets. You can stabilize your position and protect your family if you are quick to secure your personal finances.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You'll enjoy the company of people who share your interests and concerns. You can build a better future if you are creative in the way you live and budget your finances. Don't be coerced into something you don't want to do.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Expect opposition and problems if you must deal with authority figures, institutions, or government agencies. You are best to say little and to take time to assess your situation before you decide to make any alterations to where or how you live.

 

 

 

 


Partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective boyfriend:

• I've never taken Midol, nor plan to. So count on at least four-straight days each month of quality time with the bros.

• I'm a sucker for guys obsessed with cars. Someone's gotta change my oil, and it sure as heck ain't gonna be me.

• I like Snoopy. When I ask for "a puppy" for Christmas, I really mean Snoopy. I would begrudgingly settle for a husky.

• If the number of calories in a beer is greater than the number of pounds I weigh, I will not drink it.

• If I'm wearing sweatpants, don't get discouraged; I might be trying to help.

• I'm one of those rare girls who understand why toilet seats have hinges. What's the big deal? A lady sees it up, she puts it down. A guy sees it down, he puts it up. I have no reason to be afraid of accidentally sitting on the rim unless I'm peeing in the dark, and I'm not some sort of weird creep who pees in the dark. And what person in her right mind EVER sits her naked butt on anything without looking?

• Microwaves can be rather complicated. I've read the manual, but I'm using it as the rotating plate thingy.

• If I'm watching sports, please don't come in shouting numbers and names. I'm only there to scope booty. Just be thankful I know which channel is ESPN.

• I can't grow plants from seeds, so don't leave them on the coffee table next to a weird glass tube thingy like the last guy.

Trisha Spence pees with the light on.













 
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