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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Ask questions, and talk about what's expected of you. Preparation will be a key component to your success. Your mood will be dependent on how things go. Romance is in the stars, and a celebration will ease your stress.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Keep busy. Learn all you can about something you are trying to master. Participation will make the difference. Networking and being receptive to different ways of doing things will help you advance. Emphasis should be placed on health and well-being.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your home is your castle. Spend time fixing things up to better suit your needs. Take a look at an investment. It is probably time to make a change. Keep your assets accessible so you can take advantage of a good deal.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Participate in a cause you believe in. Reach out to people you feel can help as well as to those who need assistance. Collaborating will put you in a good position and help to build strong alliances with people who can be of benefit to you personally.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't push your luck when dealing with superiors. If you overreact, you will end up losing. Practical application will pay off. Concentrate on what you can do to make yourself the best that you can be mentally, physically, and emotionally.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Interact with people who have something to offer. The more knowledge you can pick up, the better equipped you will be to handle whatever comes your way. Expanding your interests or friendships will lead to a change of heart and opinion.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A change can do you good. Visiting someone you don't see often will lead to an opportunity. You can make a personal change that will bring compliments your way. You don't need to go overboard to get a reaction.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You'll be pulled in two different directions when it comes to emotional matters. Step back, and reassess your situation before taking action. Ask questions if you are unclear about where you stand or what's expected of you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Mix business with pleasure. Offer suggestions based on experience to those interested in taking part in your work. Communication, along with mixing the old with the new, will bring splendid results.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A chance to improve your home and your personal relationships looks promising. Go above and beyond the call of duty; you will get twice as much in return. You must take advantage of an investment opportunity. Filter through your options.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): As long as you stay calm and stick to basics, you will have ample time to accomplish your goals. An unusual turn of events will lead to a profitable ending. Love is in the stars, and celebrating should be your plan.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Rely on experience to see your way through a trying situation. Avoid reunions with people who have never been an asset. Be honest with yourself about the way you feel, and you will make the right decision.

 

 

 

 


Thoughts on Zombies:

• Apparently, the best way to survive a zombie outbreak is to already be in the hospital, comatose.

• If you approach a loved one from behind, and he or she doesn't answer you, zombie.

• Regardless of the fact that they can't open doors or operate simple latches, zombies are often found lurking in closets, pantries, and locked basements.

• Give a zombie a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a zombie to fish, and he'll eat you while you do it.

• No matter who you are, or what you believe in, we all taste the same to zombies.

• If you want to keep a zombie as a pet, just remove its teeth. There's not much you can do about the compulsive gumming, though, not even with a rolled up newspaper seems to work.

• See Zombie!: The Musical! Coming soon to off-off-nowhere-near-Broadway. Will the Zombies be able to sing and dance their way out of the ghetto? Does Tom Savini make funny faces? Braaaaains?

• You totally just Googled "Tom Savini," didn't you? And you call yourself a zombie fan … tsk.

• Sometimes when I'm feeling down, I just go to the mall for a while, wander aimlessly, eat some comfort food, and say to myself, "Well, at least I'm not a zombie. Yet."

• Never try to fist bump zombies; they'll just think you're teasing them.

Brian Tanner promises not to bring up zombies again until at least Thanksgiving.













 
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