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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You've got talent, so show everyone what you can do. Financial, contractual and personal opportunities are apparent and should be taken advantage of swiftly. You'll find something you want at a price that fits your budget. Love and romance are highlighted.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Make subtle changes to your personal records and financial investments. You can uncover interesting information if you discuss your options with someone in the know. Networking will lead to an opportunity you cannot ignore.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You'll get more help than you expect if you ask for it. A partnership will enable you to get more done. A property deal, or making alterations at home or to your financial situation, will bring you greater opportunities in the future.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Be careful whom you trust. Not everyone will have honorable intentions. A change may not be welcome, but in the end it will be beneficial. Put a little pressure on someone who has made you a promise. Display what you have to offer.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't stop believing in what you can do. A change of attitude will boost your confidence as well as your reputation. You can make changes that will help you attract greater interest personally as well as professionally. Romance is in the stars.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Look at your options, and do whatever it takes to maintain your financial position. Personal problems should be taken care of before they become too hard to handle. Be proactive with anyone or anything that disrupts your status.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Look at partnerships positively. Make the most of any relationship by enforcing give-and-take in order to equalize your position. Love is in the stars, and planning a romantic evening will pay off. Take advantage of an investment opportunity.

CORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take time out to make changes that will enhance your life, looks, or attitude. Connecting with someone who inspires you will open a window of opportunity as well, enabling you to invent a new way to offer your services.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Gravitate toward people, places, and new possibilities. Go with the grain to accomplish your goals and more. Positive changes in your personal life will add to your happiness. An old friend has something to offer.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Be careful how you deal with people pushing to get something from you. Whatever you offer must be minimal, or you will be taken advantage of financially, with continuing requests for more. Keep your financial situation a secret.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Share your thoughts, and you will become a valuable commodity to a group you are working alongside. Greater security will develop if you make alterations in order to get the most for the least. Moderation and simplicity are the keys to longevity.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You will be misinterpreted if you are inconsistent or pushy in the way you present what you have to offer. Stick as close to reality as possible. Offering something that you cannot produce will hurt your reputation. Honesty and integrity are essential.





Needlessly Censored Quotes:

• ****ing isn't everything, it's the only thing.

• The only thing we have to **** is **** itself.

• You can **** some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't **** all of the people all of the time.

• You miss 100 percent of the sh*ts you never take.

• **** like you don't need the money, **** like you've never been hurt, and ***** like no one's watching.

• Tomorrow is often the ****est day of the week.

• A clever person solves a problem. A wise person ****** it.

• Blessed is he who expects ****ing, for he shall never be disappointed.

• A bank is a place that will **** you money if you can prove that you don't **** it.

• Success is ****ing what you want. Happiness is ****ing what you get.

• A journey of a thousand ****s begins with a single ****.

• An *** for an *** only ends up making the whole world *****.

• Two ****s diverged in a wood, and I took the one less *****ed by; and that has made all the difference.

• The unexamined **** is not worth ***ing.

• Eighty percent of success is ****ing up.

• Even a *****ed clock is right twice a day.

• I hate quotations. Tell me what you ****.

Brian Tanner loves nothing more than ****ing a nice sandwich.

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