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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Someone will take advantage of your generosity and your desire to please others. Holding back your feelings, intentions, and plans will give you the edge you need to protect your emotions as well as your assets.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You can prove how valuable you are by taking action. Offering help, making suggestions, or recommending reforms will result in the offer of a position that interests you. Someone from your past will play an important role in your life now.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't count on receiving any help. Avoid anyone putting emotional demands on you. You can make suggestions, but let others do the work. Get odd jobs and domestic chores out of the way before someone complains. A secret dealing will disrupt your life.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Networking will pay off. You don't have to make an impulsive move when you have time to ponder the possibilities. It's how you handle what's being offered that will help you get what you want in the end. Give yourself permission to make demands.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't spend what you don't have. You can impress others by suggesting alternatives. Pick and choose your social activities based on creativity and your budget. Someone you want to do more with personally or professionally will appreciate your honesty and your thriftiness.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Rely on experience to help you out now where personal matters are concerned. Don't get worked up over nothing. You'll do best not to argue or make demands that cannot be met. Bide your time, and eventually, you will get your way.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Maintain a healthy skepticism about what you hear, especially in a social or networking setting. If something sounds too good to be true, it's probably a lie. The information you discover may lead you to a change of heart. Do your research carefully.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Keep things in perspective. You are prone to self-deception, especially where personal and domestic matters are concerned. Rather than getting angry, allow truth, facts, and figures to prove your point. You can win if you handle matters diplomatically.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Secrets will be divulged, causing trouble with a friend, lover, or colleague. Protect your reputation, or you may find the consequences more costly than anticipated. Your efforts will be your saving grace. Say less, do more, and succeed.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Play the game, and make your move. Investments will pay off, and an opportunity that involves your home and family will improve your domestic life. Don't limit your possibilities out of fear or the feeling of being restricted by someone.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't trust anyone with information that puts you in a poor professional position. Offer to do whatever it takes to ensure that your status is secure. Love can be costly if you aren't honest about what you want and what you have to offer.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't push your luck when it comes to love. Someone is likely to get jealous if you are too friendly or flirty at a social event. A reunion will bring back both good and bad memories. Don't let the past create new problems.





Tips for Owning a Bar:

• Keep the floors sticky to assist with standing. For whatever reason, bar patrons tend to have poor balance.

• Popularity is all about gimmicks and specials. Your bar will be successful if you can just find something new to drink out of, whether it be a safety hat, cleat, test tube, or belly button.

• Have plenty of pool tables and dart boards. There exist no better games for the inebriated than those that rely on intense precision, sharp projectiles, and wooden weaponry.

• You can never have too many TVs. If one muted TV showing the 10-minute loop of "SportsCenter" is cool, then 25 TVs is the equivalent of having Samuel L. Jackson in your bar.

• Water down all liquor after 10 p.m. People are either drunk enough by then, or they will just buy more alcohol, in which case they will be better hydrated. Safety first.

• If you deep-fry any foodstuffs and offer it with a cheese or ranch sauce for dipping, you can charge whatever the hell you want.

• You can give your bar any kind of name, theme, or décor — either the in-crowd will like it, or the people who hate the in-crowd will deem it cool by default.

• Don't take anyone's opinion when choosing your music. Every song is loved, hated, overplayed, and someone's guilty pleasure. Just check the weekly top-50 songs from iTunes and play them on an infinite loop.

• Be sure to keep the music incredibly loud in order to mask the boring conversations, cheesy pickup lines, and the fact that nothing is truly going on at your bar, but it is indeed the place to be.

— Nathan Wulf might just open a petting zoo. With a bar in it.

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