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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Before moving forward, take note of what is going on around you. A change of plans will catch you by surprise but shouldn't stop you in your tracks. Accept the inevitable, and leap in the most positive direction being offered.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20): Press on with your plans. For every door that shuts, another will open. Look optimistically at the choices you have, and don't be afraid to act aggressively if you can get what you want. A change of scenery will rejuvenate you.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): Get down to business, and do whatever is required. Relying on someone else is a waste of time and will not impress onlookers. Love, romance, socializing, and being the one who takes action will bring excellent results.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22): One step at a time. You don't want to end up backtracking or being criticized for doing something without approval. Focus on your future and what you can do to improve your position. Change can be good, but it has to be on your terms.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22): Plan to have some fun. Your attitude will make the difference. A challenge should get you excited and ready to strive for victory. Do what you do best, but don't brag. Humility will attract new friendships and enhance your love life.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22): If you go against the grain, you'll take two steps forward and three steps back. Know what's expected of you, and work with what you have. Attending a reunion or traveling to old familiar places will help put your life in perspective.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22): Memories must not interfere with productivity. Finish what you start before moving on to social events. Being responsible will make an impression on someone you need in your corner. Live up to your promises, keep your thoughts open, and be up-front.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21): Don't wait until someone backs you into a corner. Make a decision before it is made for you. If you don't participate, you won't be able to complain about the results. Do your part, and you will prove yourself worthy of the support offered.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21): Take pride in being the one everyone comes to. Your progressive way of dealing with matters will impress someone who will make you an offer you cannot refuse. Prepare to alter your living situation to accommodate your future plans.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19): Listen and take whatever is said to heart. Be ready to make adjustments if you want to get help and support. Using reverse psychology will bring far better results than trying to implement force. Orchestrate, and you will achieve success.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18): Be a leader, not a follower. Trust in your abilities. Invest in your future, not someone else's; financial, contractual, and emotional gains can be made. An unexpected turn of events will bring benefits far greater than you can imagine.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20): Reconnect with old friends to discover something about yourself that you didn't realize. The information you gather will help you make an important decision. A money matter will be riddled with deception. Keep your end of it straight.





Misheard sayings:

• "Let weeping dogs cry."

• "Love is a mini-splendored thong."

• "Music has charms to tooth the savage breast."

• "Snow shoes is good shoes."

• "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust into of them."

• "The best offense is a good skunk fence."

• "The brass is always cleaner on the other slide."

• "To make an omelet, you've got to break a few legs."

• "See no weevil, hear no weevil, seek no weevil."

• "That's neither ear nor hair."

• "Two in a bird is worth the hand in the bush."

• "An Englishman's mom is his hassle."

• "You can't be tall things to tall people."

• "Fight fire with water."

• "Be still, my bleeding heart."

• "Don't eat your panties in a lunch."

• "A little college can be a dangerous thing."

• "Clothes only count in horseshoes and hand grenades."

• "Don't be a strangler."

• "In the land of the blond, the two-eyed man is king."

Andrew R. Juhl thinks "cats have line knives." He doesn't know what that could possibly mean, but he's still a little scared.

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