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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Say less, do more, and stay out of the line of fire. Greater involvement in challenging activities will help to eliminate stress. Aim to please, no matter what you do or whom you are involved with, and you will bypass negativity and setbacks.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Stand up for yourself. If you allow interference, you will have regrets. Your proposal must be foolproof before you offer it to anyone of importance. Iron out any weak links, and you will gain confidence. If you are tired, take time to relax.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don't let the choices before you add to your confusion. Make some priorities. If you take on too much, you will fall short. Focus on what's really important, and let everything else sit. Someone younger will have a positive influence on you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't worry if things aren't running smoothly. Watch for an opportunity to take charge. Take your mind off personal matters with a hobby or something creative. Accept change, and you will find a way to turn a negative into a positive.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Prepare to get as much done as possible. You can make a lifestyle change depending on the people you associate with and what you learn in the interim. Share the spotlight with a worthy contributor, and you will be rewarded for your insight.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Think about your options, and combine old plans with new ones to come up with solutions for your current situation. New friendships bring greater knowledge and motivate you toward your goals. Don't let an emotional incident hold you back.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Uncertainty regarding your position or your health will cause anxiety if you don't keep busy working toward your objectives. Don't worry about what others do or say. The bottom line is your performance and what you contribute to getting results.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don't feel pressured to make a hasty decision. A better opportunity will come from or through someone you have worked with in the past. Time is on your side, even if you are being told otherwise. Use the information you receive wisely.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Push for what you want, right now. Don't let emotions stand in your way. If you want change, implement it. It's up to you to go after what you want. Love is in the stars, and speaking up about your intentions will be well received.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Expect rejection if you are forceful. Focus on home and self-improvement. If you are fun to be with, rather than demanding, you will have greater success. Don't make impulsive decisions without regard for friends or family.

UARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Get you what you want by being open, receptive, and to the point. Don't go overboard trying to impress others. There are dollars to be made, contracts to be signed, and settlements to be reached. Finish what you start.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Weigh the pros and cons of the situation. A change of plans may catch you off-guard, but showing confusion will weaken your position. Respond with strength, and prepare to take on a responsibility that will eventually lead to greater freedom.





General and unsolicited advice:

• Red means stop. Green means go. Traffic cone means steal.

• If you think your cat is approaching your Grape Nuts because she wants to sniff and maybe eat those Grape Nuts, you have woefully miscalculated just how much Grape Nuts look like kitty litter.

• Measuring cups and spoons: Don't use them. We have five senses for a reason.

• It is impossible for the human body to fart silently during a midterm. Don't even try it. You'll be disappointed. And embarrassed. And ostracized. But at least you'll have a joke for your comedy column.

• Grocery lists are for suckers; just got to the store hungry, and fill your cart with anything that looks good. Live a little, people.

• A frightened man with a rake is no match for a swarm of angry hornets.

• Never laugh at a mugger's accent.

• "Sorry, I didn't realize I was speeding because I was texting" will NOT get you out of the ticket.

• A list of knives that are absolutely essential for every kitchen: a chef's knife. Yep, that's it.

• Among the things that will not support you during an off-balance fall to the floor: a cat, a 6-year-old, thin air.

• If you can't be with the one you love … find a way to be with the one you love. But don't break any laws. And don't be weird. Like, give them space if they ask you to. Seriously, don't be weird.

Andrew R. Juhl thanks Matt G. for collaborating on today's Ledge.

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