In Godliest we trust

BY BEAU ELLIOT | AUGUST 30, 2011 7:20 AM

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

In the Godliest World, America the Exception swaggers down the sunny side of the street, and the weak, the malevolent cower in the dark. Look upon our works, we say.

Always the sunny side of the street. Because this is the Godliest World.

Do not tell us about the drought on the sunny side of the street. We pray for the end of the drought. If the drought does not end just yet, it is because our prayers are not strong enough, not pure enough, not Godliest enough.

Do not tell us the drought is as old as the World. In this, the Godliest World, we do not ask how old the World is. We have no need to know.

In the Godliest World, there is no evolution.

Godliest doesn’t “evolve.” Godliest is forever, like the mountains.

Don’t tell us that mountains erode like human love.

The Appalachians are as strong and high as they have been since God placed them. They will forever be such, as He placed them, except when God tells us to mine the coal.

Mine the coal, mine the coal. Drill the oil, drill the oil. There’s no end to what God tells us, but then, there is no end to God.

In the Godliest World, there’s no pansy talk of global warming. Those are just the mutterings of the weak souls who have never played Texas high-school football on those famous Friday nights under those famous Friday-night lights.

So do not tell us about polar bears. We have lots of other bears. God has seen to that.

Despite what the infidel in the White House tells us. He is, after all, an infidel. He is The Infidel.

The Infidel in the White House does not believe. The Infidel does not believe in America the Exception; he does not believe in the sunny side of the street. He sees only darkness.

Because of this darkness, The Infidel started the two wars that have cost us the lives of so many thousands of God-fearing American boys. Their blood is on his hands; his hair deserves to turn grayer than a ghost.

Because of this darkness, The Infidel caused the economy to collapse with his socialist health care and threw so many of us out of work, we, the Godliest of people. Then he saved the Wall Street bankers and ignored us, because we do not want to spend all of our money to save the polar bears.

But God heard our prayers and sent us a crusader. The Crusader.

The Crusader knows the word of God. The Crusader listens and knows how to create jobs. Jobs jobs jobs and The Word.

Do not tell us about minimum wage and benefits. Do not tell us about socialist health care. Jobs and The Word.

In this, the Godliest of Worlds, that’s all that matters.

The Crusader knows jobs and The Word. The Crusader knows we cannot know the age of the World; he knows there is no global warming; he knows there are plenty of bears; he knows the Godliest do not evolve.

The Crusader knows America is the Exception.

Do not bring up the drought again. God will end the drought when our prayers are strong enough, pure enough.

In this, the Godliest of Worlds.

In today's issue:

comments powered by Disqus

Privacy Policy (8/15/07) | Terms of Use (4/28/08) | Content Submission Agreement (8/23/07) | Copyright Compliance Policy (8/25/07) | RSS Terms of Use

Copyright © The Daily Iowan, All Rights Reserved.