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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Plan to socialize with friends or colleagues. Problems at home will escalate if you don’t include family in your plans or if you try to make personal changes related to your living arrangements. Don’t limit what you can do because someone gives you a hard time.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Let your emotions lead the way. It will help you get past a festering problem. Once you share your thoughts and your desires, you will be able to move forward. Love and romance are highlighted, and personal changes can be made that will alter your future.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Invest in you. A financial gain is apparent due to a settlement, reimbursement, winning, or rebate. Consider what you have to offer and how you can turn that asset into a moneymaking endeavor.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Look at your situation honestly. You stand to benefit if you are true to yourself and refuse to let anyone take advantage of you. Love is highlighted if you are open to someone making an advance.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Look at the practical aspects of a situation that can affect your professional or personal future. Knowing what you want so that you can act quickly will be half the battle. Don’t limit your chance to get ahead because you fear how someone will respond to your decision.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Helping others will make you feel good and bring surprising rewards. Offering what you can in a practical way will make an impression on someone special. Romance is highlighted.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Before you become upset over nothing, give change a chance. There are profits to be made if you lend a helping hand or get involved in a project that promises growth and a better future. Love and romance are featured late in the day.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Less talk and more action will bring better results. A partnership with someone special has far more to offer than you realize. Don’t be too proud to accept help or suggestions. You can take control and still be gracious.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Good ideas will bring unexpected profits that will allow you to make changes to your home and family. Don’t let a past partner cost you emotionally or financially. Stick to the truth, and take care of any loose ends that could be used against you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your practical and subtle way of dealing with money matters will enable you to get ahead. Settlements and contracts should be put to rest. Don’t be afraid to apply a little pressure if necessary.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Rely on your knowledge and experience to help you when dealing with others. You can develop a good working relationship with someone as long as you don’t take on or promise too much. Handle people the way you want to be treated, and you will be successful.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Keep everything out in the open, and you will be successful. Once you have everyone on the same page, you can include your own needs and finish what you start. An unusual connection will motivate you.

 

 

 

 


What you did during your first week of classes:

• Went to first class, noticed professor looks exactly like John Larroquette, and spent the rest of class trying to think of movies John Larroquette was in and why you even knew who he was.

• Left class, got stopped by Mormons, and either (a) made a reference to “South Park” or the *Book of Mormon* musical, (b) asked if in heaven there really is no beer, or (c) told them you were Mormon just to get them to leave you alone.

• Promised yourself you were going to read your first assignment right after “The Daily Show.”

• … OK, right after “Family Guy.”

• … OK, right after “Robot Chicken.”

• Ate a free sandwich someone was handing out on the street.

• Became violently ill on the sidewalk after eating said sandwich.

• Went to complain to the person who gave you the poison sandwich, but instead just got another sandwich because, hey, free sandwich.

• Went to Iowa Book to buy a textbook only to realize you’re too poor to buy it; went to library to check it out only to learn all the copies were already out.

• Got on a Research Park Cambus by mistake (FRESHMAN) and walked about mile back before finally calling your friend to come pick you up.

• Got a ride from your friend with a moped, and you squeezed him so tightly that now he’s an even better friend.

Daniel Frana isn’t some weird psychic or something — he’s just a normal stalker.













 
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