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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Communicate, network, and drum up interest in whatever you are doing. Attend a seminar or trade show if it will help your cause. Your ideas are sound; all you need is the support of the people who can give you the go-ahead. Believe in yourself, and so will everyone else.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You don’t have to say a word; it’s what you do that will speak volumes about who you are and what you stand for. In the big scheme, the only thing that matters is how you perceive yourself. Love is in the stars.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Self-criticism will pay off. Once you recognize the improvements you can make, you will excel in all aspects of your life. Use your ingenuity to create a perfect scenario that will help you move into a better position.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Apply your experience to help you make better choices. You may not welcome change, but sometimes it’s the best route to take to bypass an unfixable situation.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t get caught up in the compliments or praise you receive. There are just as many people waiting for you to make a mistake. Do for others because you want to, not because you are trying to win favors. Initiate change.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Change will tempt you, but think twice before making a decision that cannot be reversed. Ulterior motives are apparent, and they can easily lead you down a slippery slope. Sit tight; let everyone else go first.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your ability to see both sides of a situation will help you find solutions that suit everyone’s needs. Your interest in contributing to something that is humanitarian will enable you to meet interesting people.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take one step at a time. Concentrate more on how you can stabilize your personal life and future status. Promises are not likely to turn into something viable. Too much of anything will meet with a negative end. Don’t overspend.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Learn to compromise before it’s too late. You may think you can talk circles around everyone, but in the end, you will meet with an emotional situation that will affect what you are trying to accomplish. Expect trouble in the romance department.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Take matters into your own hands, especially if it concerns medical, legal, or financial situations. Delays can be expected while traveling or dealing with institutions.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Money will be secondary. Put your plan into motion, and promote what you have to offer. Support will make its way to your hands, allowing you to secure your interests and expand your plans. Good fortune will come through networking and personal investments.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Take a break, and don’t push so hard. Trying to gain someone’s approval isn’t worth it in the end. Using reverse psychology will work better than forcing your will on others. The ability to be flexible will get you so much further. A change of attitude will help.





Random thoughts:

• Everyone should check out my new blog: It combines the microblogging Internet sensation FMyLife with network-television sensation “How I Met Your Mother.” I’m calling it How I F’ed My … OK, I’m still working on the title.

• My biggest problem with Katy Perry’s *Last Friday Night* is the part where she says “it ruled.” It’s LAST Friday night, Katy, not 15 years ago Friday night.

• Why do all American Apparel ads look like they came from the photo-collages found in a serial killer’s scrapbook?

• As far as hot sauces go, Cholula > Louisiana > Sriracha > Frank’s > Tapatio > Horse semen > Tabasco. If you disagree with this, then it is only because you are very, very wrong.

• Whenever people have a rash, all they do is complain about it. But what about all the good things rashes do? Why are us pro-rashists in such the minority?

• I hate seeing perfume ads because they almost always portray their models in the throes of passion, either just had, having, or about to have sex. I’ve had sex. It smells nothing like perfume.

• How come when you see a dude on a moped, the immediate reaction isn’t, “Wow, he must really be under-compensating for something”?

• Ever notice how 99 percent of all pictures of scene kids are self-portraits taken by a cell-phone camera in a mirror? Is the “scene” their parents’ bathroom?

• I don’t understand why women get so excited if they pee on a stick, and it makes a little plus sign. I never get anywhere close to that amount of fanfare, and I can write my name in the mother-flippin’ snow.

— Andrew R. Juhl thanks Brian Tanner and Matt Gorman for contributing jokes to today’s Ledge.

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