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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Getting along with your peers will be half your battle, but once you fit in, you will make headway. Talk to colleagues, bosses, or influential people who can help you advance. A creative original suggestion will result in a positive turning point.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your feelings will be easily hurt and your reactions misconstrued. Don't overreact because someone else is being an idiot. A thoughtless remark handled wisely can give you an edge in the future. Patience can buy you valuable time.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Paying attention to money, home, and family will be necessary to avoid a misunderstanding. Don't feel you have to lend assistance to everyone who asks for it. Your ability to handle whatever

comes your way will help you maintain the status quo. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don't do something for the wrong reason. Uncertainty regarding your position and status is likely. Your motives will be questioned, and a sudden change due to your response will be hard to reverse.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Fill up your dance card, and prepare to have some fun. Take up unusual hobbies or visit unfamiliar destinations. Your experience will serve you well, enabling you to take on a challenge that has the potential to bring about an interesting proposal.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Live and learn. The more actively you pursue your dreams, the better. Your effort will help you catch the attention of someone who can help you achieve your goals. A trip will pay off if you are aggressive regarding your motives for traveling the distance to obtain firsthand knowledge.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You can help all you want, but don't let anyone take advantage of your kindness or generosity. Offering suggestions will bring better results than doling out cash or doing the work for someone. A change in the dynamics of an important relationship may be necessary.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You may be questioning your future and the way you are moving forward. Opportunities are present, but greater pressure and force will have to be applied. There is no room for error, and being able to react fast will be the key to your success.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take advantage of any opportunity to interact with individuals who have as much to offer as you do. A contract or money matter can be completed successfully if you are willing to compromise.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Go over your personal papers carefully. It is likely you will have to make some minor adjustments if you don't want to suffer a loss. Make whomever you deal with come to you, not vice versa.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A fast talker is likely to fool you. If something sounds too good to be true, back away. It is best to keep those pressuring you guessing. Overindulging and underestimating will be your downfall.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Look back at your experience, and you will handle whatever comes your way more effectively. An emotional connection to someone you used to know will surface, causing doubt regarding your current situation. Your inner voice will not lead you astray, but someone else might.

 

 

 

 


General and unsolicited advice:

• If you click on people's personal websites or their social-networking profiles in order to find out more about them, and webpage automatically begins to play music, then you already know all you need to.

• No matter how much money you put in the Salvation Army kettle, they'll just keep ringing that bell. So don't bother; it's no use trying to please someone who'll never be satisfied.

• Drawing a line in the sand can be hard to see, but drawing a line on sandpaper just messes up your pencil.

• You can't tell a blind man you don't stink.

• When making a decision between scaling a wall or climbing a wall, always go with the ladder.

• No matter which way the wind is blowing and which way you point the spout on the snowblower, the snow will always, always, always blow directly back into your face. Scientists refer to this phenomenon as the Harhar Effect.

• Snowblower jokes in mid-August? Even if they're funny, it's still bad idea. And when they're not funny? Even worse.

• Always keep a map of Missouri in your car because you never know when you might need it. You could be stranded, out of gas, in the middle of the Missouri nowhere and need some kindling to start a fire.

• It's always better to plagiarize from Encarta than from Wikipedia, because people actually read Wikipedia.

• If you're ever worried that you might have a concussion, just take a nap. If you don't wake up, then you'll know you had a concussion.













 
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