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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You'll be quick-thinking, but if you act too fast, you will be faced with opposition that might lead to minor injury. Cool, calculated strategy with precise execution will bring the best results and should help please everyone who is watching.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This is a great day to fix up your digs or relax with friends or neighbors. Socializing and networking will lead to interesting communication, as well as unexpected opportunity. Keep spending and overindulging to a minimum.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Greater involvement in a cause you believe in will lead to meeting someone who stimulates your mind and gets you thinking about financial possibilities. Uncertainty is apparent in your personal life because of a change of heart or direction.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your desire to help others will lead to exhaustion. Try not to take on so much that you leave yourself little time to rest. Don't make a sudden move professionally because you feel pressured. Take your time, and look at your options.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You'll be busy running about, meeting people and, most of all, trying to bring order to the multitasking you've been trying to juggle. You'll be the center of attention and can use this opportunity to invite others to pitch in and help.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Demands will be made professionally that will cause problems for you personally. Don't feel obliged to take on responsibilities that you feel are unfair. You need to pay more attention to your home and family. Everything else can wait.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Problems at home or with someone you love will develop if you don't see eye to eye on a change you want to make. It is best to back away and give each other space. Personal growth will result from interacting with new acquaintances.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Relaxing and enjoying your favorite people should be your intent. Use your imagination to come up with a plan that will benefit you personally and help make your environment user-friendly. Love is on the rise, and a special evening should be planned.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Live, learn, laugh, and be happy. Engage in entertaining events that allow you to expand your circle of friends and your knowledge. The more enthusiasm you bring to a group, the greater your say will be when it's time to make a joint decision.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You will face all sorts of setbacks, last-minute changes, and people who are not on the same page as you. You will do your best focusing on investments and changing important personal papers. Don't let any problem fester.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Put effort into stabilizing your finances and lowering your stress. Networking will pay off if you discuss what you have to offer. Get promises in writing, or you may be disappointed by the outcome.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Making a move abruptly, without giving sufficient thought to what you will do next, will lead to anxiety. Problems at home and at work will get you down, but getting out with a friend who understands your situation will ease your stress.





My reactions to Esquire's 1,000 Things [I] Don't Know about Women:

• No. 111: When you offer to pay for something and we refuse, insist one more time. Always insist. (Second-guess you. Got it.)

• No. 128: The magazines in your bathroom say a lot about you. So please, hide the one with "100 Way to Please Your Woman" on the cover. (Please women by not making attempts to learn how to please women. Got it.)

• No. 100: We don't need special moves. Just do the regular ones right. (Women prefer mediocrity. Got it.)

• No. 136: Great dads are hot. (All women have Electra complexes. Got it.)

• No. 158: We like it when you stand in the dressing room with us. And give compliments. (Hang around women's dressing rooms. Got it.)

• No. 244: We like it when your phone does what it's good for — getting us the reservation and enabling you to order flowers — but if you play that fucking "Plants vs. Zombies" game while we're talking to you one more time, you're sleeping alone. (Technology exists to make women's lives happier, not men's. Got it.)

• No. 452: Snuggling can fix just about anything. (Communication toward problem resolution is overrated. Got it.)

• No. 124: Electronics clipped to your pants are sexy only if you're Batman, Superman, or any other kind of man who needs them to save lives, not send email. (Superman does not save lives via belt gadgetry. Your point is invalid.)

• No. 250: We are just as obsessed with other women's breasts as you are. (Nope. Not even close.)

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