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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Unpredictable behavior will lead to controversy and an obvious emotional response. Let anyone who will be affected by your choices know in advance what you are going to do. Secondhand information will not turn out to be accurate.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You can throw your weight around and get results. You will learn plenty from an individual who has experience in an area you are lacking. Good fortune will come if you conduct your business cordially.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Someone will question you if you exaggerate. Stick to what you know, and stand behind your promises. Home improvements can change your emotional well-being. A new acquaintance will make an unexpected offer.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): React from the heart, and you will find out exactly what you need to know to make the right decision regarding your personal life. Don't wait until you are forced to make a move. An innovative approach to making money will pay off.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You can make wise money moves if you invest in something innovative. A job that interests you may not turn out to be as good as it sounds. Love and romance will bring you good fortune.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll be pulled in different directions personally and emotionally. Try your best not to get angry. Make special plans late in the day with someone you love.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't slow down when you should be moving full speed ahead. A change that is happening at work may upset you. Don't react too quickly; you don't have all the facts.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Communications regarding money can help you sort out what you need to do in the future. Don't overspend on something you don't really need. Sharing your thoughts and plans with someone you've known a long time will help you put things in perspective. Love is in the stars.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't give in to treats or bribery. You have to make it clear what you can and cannot contribute. Problems with friends, relatives, or neighbors can be expected. Taking care of your health will be important and can change the outcome of a pending problem.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't let your emotions cause you to do or say something foolish at work. You don't want to upset anyone who can influence your position. Good fortune regarding real estate and investments is evident.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You have the strength, courage, and discipline to make a commitment and to change your life. An honest assessment will help you realize what you want to do next and how you can go about making it happen. Don't try to do everything at once.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Take a break, go on a vacation, or just spend more time with the people you love most. An opportunity to get involved in an interest or goal you used to have will catch your interest. Offer your services, and get started.

 

 

 

 


Some Popular Degrees at the UI:

• B.S. in Avoiding Real Life. Don't forget to complete the Certificate in Procrastination, of course.

• B.S. in Talking Your Way Out of Tickets. If you can talk yourself out of a PAULA or a speeding ticket from an Iowa City cop, you've learned something very useful from your degree. Teach me your ways? My bank account and insurance premium would really appreciate it.

• Doctorate in People Watching. Being able to understand the conversations and actions of even half of the people on the Ped Mall after midnight is commensurate with a master's-level education in psychology AND sociology.

• Master's in Avoiding Panhandlers. We live in Iowa (freaking) City. Need I say more? Remember freshman year when you used to give away all your cab money to bums on the Ped Mall after bar hopping? You've come a long way since then; now you know how to dip, dodge, dive, duck, and dodge your way through the Ped Mall (all the while keeping your burrito and cab money safe in your bra).

• Master's in Excusology. Acquire this degree, and you'll have excuses not even that creeper who "always happens to see you" in the produce aisle at Hy-Vee will be able to argue with. ("You have to go clean your lion's cage and bring it a steak from Joseph's? Oh, OK.")

• Master's in Relationship Communications. Admit it: you only decided to concentrate in this area because of your many failed past relationships. Complete your degree in this, and you're almost guaranteed a husband or wife by age 27.













 
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