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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may not like what you encounter at work or at home, but how you handle it will count in the end. Make sure you play by the rules. You will rise above the obstacles if you stick to your beliefs.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You will surpass everyone’s expectations if you follow through with your plans and make a big splash. Going overboard isn’t something you do often, but now is a good time to surprise everyone by doing so.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): This is not the day to lend or donate to a cause you know little about. Keep your money in a safe place, remembering that charity begins at home. Self-improvement projects will pay off.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Let your intuition guide you when dealing with people from different backgrounds or with a philosophy that is new to you. Networking or getting out with that special someone in the evening hours will enhance your personal life.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Whatever you do that is unique will pay off big-time. By entertaining the people you want to do business with or by forming a partnership, you will gain insight into how you can get what you want more quickly and easily.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Everything is changing quickly, but that doesn’t mean you need to act fast. Let things settle down before you make a decision. Social events will bring you in contact with someone who can lead you in a prosperous direction.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Watch what you say. Someone will be looking for information that can be used against you. Don’t name-drop or exaggerate if you want someone to like you. Don’t pretend you know more than you do.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): There is a lot happening that isn’t visible just yet, so it is best to take a wait-and-see approach. A social event will take a surprising turn. Consider what you always wanted to do for a living and discuss how to make it happen.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Research what you must do to reach your objectives. A sudden change in your personal life may confuse you, but you eventually will realize that the change is in your best interest. Your quick wit will keep you in front of the competition.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may have a hard time keeping a lid on your thoughts and an even more difficult time trying not to take over to ensure things are done to your specifications. A chance meeting with someone from your past can open up ideas for the future.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You will be pulled in many directions, and it will be important to recognize where each path leads. It may be difficult to be logical about personal issues, but you will have to put aside your emotions and do what’s right.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Getting involved in a neighborhood event will help you understand what everyone else wants and how you can make it happen. An effort to improve your environment will lead to social opportunities that will enhance your love life.

 

 

 

 


How to get kicked out of Walmart:

• Go behind a self-service checkout and pretend you’re the cashier. Make frustrated small talk. When the customer starts paying, yell, “That’s it,” jump up on the counter, point your finger at the scanner, “ You’re done taking my job,” and then break down into a tear-filled apology to the machine.

• Turn all the stereos in Home Audio to 88.7FM and up to full volume, and then set an FM transmitter playing NPR podcasts to the same frequency.

• Get a couple sirloins and test out that grill you want to buy.

• Get some rope, a fan, feathers, oil, and a fishing pole, and then construct the best Scooby Doo trap you can think of.

• Practice your latest standup routine while pretending to be the front greeter.

• Put all the generic cereals in the General Mills boxes and all the General Mills cereals in the generic boxes.

• Go to the family-planning aisle and measure yourself right there to ensure best fit. (You might need to visit the magazine rack first.)

• Wear a black ski mask and — using a clothes hanger — try to break into that large container collecting change for charities while loudly playing the *Mission: Impossible* theme on a boom box you took from electronics.

• Play tag with all the employees. Some might join in. If not, just tag everyone.

• Announce an amber alert over the intercom; point finger at nearest mullet.













 
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