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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Look at all your investment options, but don’t take a risk or spend money you don’t have readily available. Networking will help you make an important decision. Don’t be afraid to make a change based on what you discover.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Concentrate on self-help and spiritual growth, along with looking your best. It’s how you present yourself to the world that will count, especially when you are trying to make an impression.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Believe in what you can do. You can converse with anyone and make a good impression. Lay your cards on the table and be willing to make a promise. Don’t be fooled by someone who is trying to intervene or cause havoc.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Put a little effort into a creative idea you’ve wanted to explore. Don’t limit the possibilities because you don’t believe in yourself. Step outside of your current circle, and you will discover that you have so much more to offer and to receive than you realize.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Present what you have to offer personally and professionally, and you will attract a buzz that is sure to lead to an interesting proposal. Travel or change of location will inspire you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Be ready to do the work yourself and to make things happen if you want things done. An emotional encounter will set you back. Live for the moment, and let love lead you down the right path.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t let laziness be your downfall. Push what you have to offer, and refuse to give in to temptation and demands. Make your own decisions, and be sure-footed when it comes to how you are going to get what you want.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The past will be a reminder of what not to do in the future. Don’t leave anything to chance when there is so much to gain by taking control and allowing your creativity to blossom.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Concentrate on what you have to offer and what you have to gain by the connections you make at events you attend. Someone you are involved with may want more of a commitment or at least more of your time.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Keeping an eye on your prospects, and your best interests will help you gravitate toward the people who have the most to offer. Love is on the rise, and you can turn a chance meeting into an opportunity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do what you can to help others, and you will be rewarded in an unusual way. Making changes to your home and family life will pay off. Opportunities are apparent if you reach out and grab them. Good fortune is close by.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Love is in the stars, and getting together with someone from your past will tempt you to make some much-needed changes in your life. Weigh the old against the new before you make a choice that you will have to live with for a long time.

 

 

 

 


Notes to Self:

• The next time your arms are full and you decide to open the convenience-store door with your hip, try to choose the hip opposite the pocket your car keys are in. You’re a bleeder.

• If you insist on washing every towel in the house, make sure you do not need to take a shower just after doing so, or else you will be drying yourself with T-shirts.

• Mixing a Captain and Coke does not require the use of a cocktail shaker. Unless you like a sticky kitchen floor. And ceiling.

• When in bed during the summer, you often have a stationary box fan pointed directly at you to help keep you cool. Remember this the next time you decide to sleepily unleash a Class-12 Sulfurous Taco Fart at 3 a.m.

• To correctly make ice, you must place filled ice trays inside the freezer, not on top of the fridge.

• Never again go to Target on a day you happened to be wearing your favorite red shirt and khakis to work. The other customers will keep stopping you and asking you questions. About electronics. Which you know the answers to. And cannot help but give them additional advice regarding.

• Next time you order a nice three-quarter-sleeve T-shirt from J-Crew, do not open the box with your 8-inch chef’s knife — unless, of course, you are in dire need of a new $42 cleaning rag.

• Never use WebMD to self-diagnosis anything EVER. Especially a headache. You will always diagnose it as a tumor. ALWAYS.













 
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