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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Emotional ups and downs can be expected. Keep situations and partnerships as equal as possible. Your eagerness to please someone may work against you. A move or desire to make changes will not turn out as planned.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Getting out, visiting new places, or taking time to indulge yourself will help contribute to your emotional well-being. Consider inviting along someone with whom you enjoy spending time. Love and romance are enhanced.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Check out the fun things you can do. Consider activities that will challenge you and allow you to interact with others. The people you meet now will play an intricate role in your future. Change is upon you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t let negative influences drag you down. A change at work or to your status may leave you in an emotional funk, but if you look at the big picture, the change will turn out to be to your benefit.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Travel and expand your interests and knowledge. A change will end up being to your advantage. Communication will be your strong point and will help you at interviews or when trying to market an idea or service.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t get angry; get moving. Someone is likely to give you a hard time if you try to make last-minute changes. Don’t let problems at home influence your productivity or a decision you must make.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You’ll have trouble sitting still. A change in surroundings, lifestyle, or philosophy is bound to turn your life upside down, but at the same time, it will improve your health and well-being.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put some creative thought behind your living arrangements, and you’ll come up with a way to make things more to your liking. Love is on the rise, and someone who shares your likes and dislikes will work alongside you until you get things exactly the way you like them to be in your personal life.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Add to the fun and comfort of your home to entice friends to hang out at your place more often. Money or a gift will come to you from an unusual source. Be grateful for what you receive.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Stick close to home, and protect your assets from anyone who may be in a position to do damage or take advantage of you. Dealing with an institution or agency will be restrictive and cause emotional upset.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Keep things simple. A promise made will not pan out as planned. Don’t be disappointed or complain. Money matters will improve if you get rid of old habits or acquaintances who are costly.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You’ll be torn between what you want to do and what you have to do. Try to fit everything into your day by organizing your time precisely and asking someone to lend you a hand to speed up the process. Love and romance are highlighted for the evening hours.

 

 

 

 


Pointless Inventions

• Ventilated umbrella

• Flannel swimsuit

• Bed with coin-operated “Magic Fist”

• Wooden headphones

• Sandpaper flip-flops

• 4D glasses

• Lint-replacement kit

• Sippy keg

• Lunar calculator

• Supersonic escalator

• Spicy sun-block

• DVD rewinder

• DCL for checkers

• Magic: The Gathering styling gel

• Nuclear-powered sun-dial

• Pen that writes in Morse code

• Disposable safe

• Black highlighter

• Remote-controlled tablet PC

• Wallet with a built-in shredder













 
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