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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Use past experience wisely, especially when dealing with friends, family, or neighbors. Don’t let your indecisiveness cause you to miss out on something that should be yours. Good fortune awaits if you are willing to step up and take charge.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Greater opportunities are heading in your direction. Talk to the experts, and find out what will be required to get a project up and running. Help will be offered as well as unique suggestions.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Emotional deception is likely to sway your decision. You will have to be prepared to change your mind quickly should someone try to take advantage of you. Impulse purchases will not live up to your expectations.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You can expand your awareness: Learn about different traditions, cultures, languages, and lifestyles. Reconnecting with someone from your past will help you reestablish some of your goals. Fair play is required. Keep things simple.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t overstep your bounds. Avoid taking on too much or falling short of your goals. A financial matter that entails a personal relationship will leave you dangling should you invest your time or money.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t take any chances when it comes to partnerships or your professional position. Picking up new skills will help alleviate stress. Make plans to get together with someone you love. A mini vacation will improve your personal outlook.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Pick up the pace, and you will reach your goals. Depression and giving in to pressure must be kept in check. Make up your mind what you want and refuse to budge. You have more leverage than you realize.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Talk will help you connect with people who have similar interests or information that will help you to make a calculated move. Money is heading your way from an unusual or unexpected source. Keep home improvements within budget.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t fight the impossible. Trying to get out of a promise will not be easy. Stick to the truth if you want to avoid problems in the future. A partner will question what you are doing. A professional opportunity is apparent.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Trust your instincts, and rely on what you know and who to help you get ahead. Changes at home will bring you closer to your friends and family. Don’t limit the possibilities because you are afraid to take on more responsibilities.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Sign up for an interesting course or an activity that allows you to develop new skills or network with people from different backgrounds. Love is in the stars. Whether you are in a relationship or not, making an effort to improve your personal life will bring beneficial results.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You’ll be emotionally up and down. Don’t make a decision that can affect your home and family. Love may be on the line if you or someone you care about withholds information. Speak from the heart.

 

 

 

 


Funny U.S. City Names:

Intercourse, Pa. — I bet you didn’t know this city existed. I bet you didn’t know it’s an Amish town, either.

Paris, Iowa — I guess you really can’t judge a book by its cover.

New Erection, Va. — It’s OK if you had to read that twice — I did too. “Vagina?” Nope, “Virginia.”

Conception, Mo. — Not a good place to vacation to on your honeymoon but a great city to visit if your little swimmers aren’t up to par.

Dickshooter, Idaho. — No snide comment necessary.

Hooker Hole, La. — Not a place to take kids for a school field trip.

What Cheer, Iowa — I imagine the denizens of this city being comparable to the happy Whos of Whooville.

Climax, Ga. — Guys, this is the perfect place to take your girlfriend if you have trouble … err … getting the job done within a reasonable amount of time (or at all, for that matter).

Monks Misery, Md. — No alcohol, women, or talking — wouldn’t you be miserable too? At least they have happy lungs because most monks abstain from smoking.

Monks Hammock, La. — For when a monk just needs to get away from all that crazy monkery and relax.

Coward, S.C. — It’s no coincidence that your ex-boyfriend lives here. You should have known there was a problem when you were the one who had to kill the spiders that surfaced in your apartment.













 
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