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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You need a change and a challenge. Let your imagination take over. Stop dreaming, start doing, and the people you attract will be surprisingly interesting and accommodating. Good fortune is heading your way.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Temptation will lead to overdoing it emotionally, financially, or physically. Now is not the time to delve into something you aren’t likely to finish. Don’t let an old habit or friend cost.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t let a disappointment corrupt your day and your chance to advance. You have to put in your best effort, even if you are feeling a little low. Avoid getting involved personally with someone who can negatively affect your future or your reputation.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Get ahead but not at the expense of a relationship you have. There is too much to lose if you let your emotions come between you and good common sense. Respond intelligently rather than reacting impatiently.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Set your goals high and your mind on reaching what you set out to do. As long as you stick to your budget and you don’t let anyone use emotional tactics to make you feel obliged, you will come out on top. You will attract love and friendship.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You must surround yourself with individuals who think the same way as you. Listen to any criticism offered, and learn from it. Don’t let heartache deter you from achieving success.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Become a participant. It’s joining in that will lead to opportunities and meeting interesting people who can help change your life. Now is not the time to be lazy when there is so much to learn and so much at stake.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You’ll be tempted to spend too much on your home, family, or investments. Rethink your future, and focus more on your talent and how to make progress. Stop allowing others to use up your valuable time. Invest in yourself.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It will be easy to go down the wrong path; look before you leap. You can make gains, but you have to be smart and know your limits. Love is on the rise, and a sudden change in your personal life is apparent.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t share too much information if you want to stay ahead of the competition. Someone you least expect will reveal your position or your strategy. It’s how you handle yourself now that will lead to a prosperous future. Don’t get sidetracked by compliments or insincerity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Re-evaluate your motives and those of others. Until you know where you stand and you are sure about what you want, don’t make a move or a commitment. If you hold out for what you want, you will end up in control. Love is on the rise.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Not everyone you come in contact with will be trustworthy. Choose your battles, and don’t trust anyone offering the impossible. Start to put real facts and figures in place so you don’t make an irreversible mistake.

 

 

 

 


The most embarrassing things that could be raised up the flagpole:

• The list of requirements for the magic husband you haven’t met yet. Attractive, scruffy men with sexy Irish accents are few among the many these days.

• The banana hammock you bought. You know, just to “get a feel for it.” The fact that it’s velvet makes it even better, and so soft between the cheeks …

• Your life-size cutout of Zac Efron. That smile, those eyes … I commend your taste in Disney Channel hunks.

• The pages you printed out and have been saving in a 3-ring binder from the Xanga blog you kept in junior high. (You just ate lunch with your friend Betty and are going to the mall? I bet your seven followers can’t wait to hear what you ate in the food court.)

• The pictures you creepily took and saved of all the boys you had crushes on when you were younger. (Wait, nobody else did that but me?)

• Your “Team Jacob” poster and matching T-shirt. (Hey, I’m with you; I’d join Jacob’s wolf pack in a heartbeat.)

• The pictures of you when you were a toddler bathing with four other children in the bathtub. (Since when is bathing also play time? Baths are for cleaning, not a time for Carly to sit in little Joey’s pee-pee.)

• Your old training bra that your mom wrote your name inside so you wouldn’t lose it at summer camp.

• The penis-shaped soap on a rope you got at your bachelorette party. Hide your kids, hide your husband … the penis on a rope is flying, and it’s scaring everybody everywhere.

— Carly Correll says thanks for this idea, David, and HAPPY FLAG DAY AMERICA.













 
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