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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Do the best you can when it comes to earning your living. Hold your temper if someone complains or tries to make you look bad. It’s only a matter of time before your professionalism is appreciated and you are rewarded for your diplomacy and ability to deal with people.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The choices you make will determine the outcome of an encounter with an organization, government agency, or institution. A power play on your part will catch whoever is challenging you off-guard, allowing you the upper hand.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Emotional blackmail or deceptiveness will develop at home. Don’t give in to someone who doesn’t deserve your help. Taking care of your personal papers and making changes that will give you greater control and power should be your intent.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A lack of sincerity can be expected from colleagues who feel you are the competition. Ask questions, and if you aren’t happy with the answers you receive, go higher up until you have sufficient information to make a decision.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t feel an obligation to spend on anyone looking for a handout. Invest in yourself, not frivolous, luxury items or entertainment. A business trip or attending a conference will bring you greater knowledge or help you improve your skills.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Speak your mind, especially concerning affairs of the heart. Listen to what’s being asked of you and assess whether or not you can offer what’s required. An unexpected cost will transpire if you promise to help someone who is in a financial bind.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Expect someone to be upset with you if you have neglected your responsibilities. Problems at home or when dealing with older or younger family members can develop. Overreacting or overindulgence will lead to greater uncertainty in partnerships.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Discuss your plans and options with someone who can make a difference to your status or career advancement. High energy and enthusiasm will help you motivate the people around you. Love is in the stars.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You will face someone who isn’t happy with your recent decisions. Instead of running for the hills, face things head-on. Focus on home and family and what you can do to make your personal life less stressful.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ll have plenty to consider before you make a financial, legal, or medical decision. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you aren’t sure you want to do. Bide your time until you feel you have better control.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Call on old friends to help you out now, recalling things you have done in the past. You can take on a lot more than you think and should be volunteering or applying for positions requiring both mental and physical skills.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your intuition will help you make the right decision regarding how to deal with colleagues and superiors. Love is on the rise, so make plans that will help you meet someone new, if you are single, or that will ensure a romantic evening with your current partner.





Overheard in Lectures:

• “Work with what God gave you. You can only get so big.”

• “Large, muscular butts help us from tipping forward.”

• “Water acts as a lubricant.”

• “Today we are going to talk about female anatomy. Let’s learn how to insert a tampon.” (Because that is something every guy has wanted to know since birth.)

• “Alright, I want you to do it 4 times a day: before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed. Learning this is going to take lots of practice.”

• “Did you guys watch Jersey Shore last night? Can someone please explain why they can’t seem to keep a functioning toilet?”

• “If you can’t do it on your back, modify the position. It’s a lot easier to perform on your knees.” (I better get myself some knee pads.)

• “There’s no such thing as a bad one.”

• “There is such a thing as too small, and trust me- it’s bad.”

• “Bless you — I hope you didn’t pee your pants during that sneeze.”

• “Well, sorry. The lights don’t seem to be working. We’ll have to do it in the dark. Does anyone mind?”

• “Clubbing can count as a workout if you aren’t completely sloshed while burning calories jamming to Usher.” (Screw you, marathon training.)

• “The first person to get me the hot Dean’s phone number gets an A.”

• “You have to ask yourself: how far will you go?”

• “You know what? Class is over. I’m missing too much March Madness.”

• “We used to brew beer in my lab… until the boss man found out. It totally kicked Guinness’ ass too.”

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