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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You can make moves, contact influential people, and drum up the support you need to move forward with your plans. A positive attitude, coupled with discipline and hard work, will be difficult for any competition to beat.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t be fooled by what’s not being said. You have to read between the lines if you expect to make the right choice. Don’t let your emotions take over, especially where personal or professional matters are concerned.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Refuse to let your personal opinion interfere with a job that requires you to be totally objective. A personal relationship has the potential to cost you professionally if you give in to the demands being made. Focus on how you can get ahead financially.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You can expect to face opposition and competition professionally. However, if you are swift to develop your special skills in some small way, it will be difficult for the competition to surpass you. Simplicity and moderation are the keys.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your charming, outgoing presentation will grab the attention of someone who can make your life easier and your pocketbook grow. Make sure to get everything in writing. Plan a little celebration for the evening hours.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Put greater emphasis on your relationships and your future. Take care of personal changes that will give you greater appeal. Don’t spend money impulsively in order to win someone’s favor. Incorporate a creative idea into a project and excel.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Rethink your current personal position, and weed through your emotions. Once you have deciphered what’s actually going on between you and a friend, lover, or family member, you will be able to put any obstacles you face behind you.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Look at everything on your to-do list and prioritize. Knowing what to focus on will lead to your success. Your energy is high and mustn’t be wasted on trivial pastimes. Love is in the stars.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Keep busy, and you’ll avoid a clash with someone who can make your life miserable. You have to remain cutting-edge if you want to stay in the game. Ask for help or attend a seminar that will keep you up to speed.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t take on responsibilities that don’t belong to you. It’s vital that you have time for the projects that will bring you the highest return. Love is looking favorable, so socialize if you are single or have a romantic evening with your current partner.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’ve got a lot more going for you than you realize. Good fortune awaits — all you have to do is forge ahead in the direction that beckons you the most. Turn something you enjoy doing into a sideline business.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t be afraid to put a little aggression behind your feelings, especially when dealing with a project you want to pursue. You can persuade whoever is in charge to give you a chance. A love interest may throw you off your game. Don’t let business and pleasure cause a conflict.

 

 

 

 


Rejected DI Headlines:

• Nothing Bad Happened Today, Newspapers Complain

• Congress slashes military budget 5%, Public University Tuition Down 95%

• Woman Famous, Despite Respectable Behavior and Unattractiveness

• Whale Numbers Soar, Seal Numbers Dangerously Low

• New Study Finds Studies Wholly Biased and Unimportant

• Texas Governor Admits Texas is Compensating For Something

• Pro-Choicers Win Abortion War, Now Extending Doctrine To Annoying Children

• Pro-Lifers Win Abortion War, Now Claiming All Woman Monthly Murderers

• Subway Increases Market Share with New “42-Cent Inch-Longs” Campaign

• Man Uses Single Air Quotes While Air-Quoting Something Inside His Original Air Quote

• *Twilight* Fans Die after Ingesting Pounds of Glitter

• Co-Op To Add Preservatives To Organic Bread — Quote, “Just Spoils Too Fast, Man.”

• UN Sends America To Room Without Any Snacks

• Pope Denounces Rabbits on Easter, Citing WTF?

• Delaware Claims Existence Despite No Solid Proof

• Image Awards Sued For Discrimination

• Ledge Writer Cited in Insanity Plea













 
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