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“Black and Yellow” Kinnick

BY CHRIS STEINKE | MARCH 24, 2011 7:20 AM

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Uh huh. You know what it is.

If you don’t, try asking the ants next to the rock you’ve been living under or one of the more musically fashionable residents at your nursing home.

Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow” is undeniably popular, serving two separate No. 1 stints on the Billboard Hot 100, its catchy chorus echoing from the tongues of anyone after a couple few cognacs. It’s basically “Dancing Queen” but acceptable in a social setting. And it could be our newest Kinnick staple.

Alas, fellow Hawkeye fans: We don’t have a go-to fourth-quarter rally song. Penn State has “Living on a Prayer,” Ohio State, “Hang On Sloopy,” and Wisconsin has the greatest, most famous rally anthem in all of college football: “Jump Around,” by House of Pain. I am so jealous of that damn song. Badger fans have to snicker each time we raise our palms, over and over, toward a virtual burrito to the beat of “Pump it Up,” unapologetically succumbing to the glorious marketing ploy of our beloved instigator of flatulence.

Not that I have anything against Panchero’s Burrito lift. Sitting stagnant in the stands, watching on as the Hawks beat up on Puerto Rico A&M, 69-0, Keystone Light evaporating from my skin in the merciless September heat, that guilty Hawkeye pleasure is the only thing that can get me back up to my feet. Because, hey, it’s ours — like our acorn-headed excuse of a mascot (and we wonder why he never makes it into any Capital One commercials).

Now picture a second hypothetical: Iowa is down 10 points in the fourth quarter to our brand-new, corn-inspired rivals, the Nebraska Cornhuskers. A trip to the Big Ten championship game hangs in the balance. The Huskers have the ball at the 40-yard line, and anyone donning black and yellow is shaking head-to-toe. Our beloved protagonists have their chins to their chest, in desperate need of inspiration — and our Panchero’s Burrito lift lifeline was used up in the second quarter. (Sounds a bit familiar, huh?)

Then, emerging from the desolate stadium speakers, “Black and Yellow” comes to the rescue, reverberating heroically from each corner of Kinnick Stadium. The student section begins to boogie in a state of remobilized ecstasy — I’m picturing some sort of combination of the Soulja Boy dance, a swingers’ party, and a mosh pit at a Pantera concert.

The Hawkeyes start knocking heads, forcing fumbles, and the offense rallies to win the game (picture fourth-quarter Ricky Stanzi offense after he has already thrown four interceptions). After a glorious win, fans march down Burlington and nap for the next eight hours.

Is the song inappropriate? Well, yes. But keep in mind that the lyrics to “Back in Black” are boasting that their band is back from the dead, after their lead singer died of a drug overdose. A resurgence from a drug scandal does ring in Hawkeye relevancy, I suppose. But anyway, what I’m saying is to not pay too much attention to the lyrics — we can follow Wisconsin’s lead.

Only about a minute needs to be played. Camp Randall Stadium only plays the opening 60 seconds or so of “Jump Around” before it begins to flirt with the boundaries of inappropriateness and irrelevance. The start of the second verse is, “I’ll serve your ass like John McEnroe. If your girl steps up, I’m smackin’ the …”

So let’s do something like that. We can use the two choruses and the first verse, which includes lyrics about repping our home town, but leave out those that, uh, boast about sexing up some lesbians.

There’s a verse in between there where he says some pretty naughty words, but in the edited version, with some imagination, it can be interpreted as relevant to the sport of football: “I hear they scared of it, but the pros ain’t.” That’s fine, right? With a little more creative power, ‘pros’ can be ‘prose,’ and we’re bragging about our Writers’ Workshop or The Daily Iowan’s Opinions section.

“Black and Yellow” is the obvious choice to fill our fourth-quarter void. After years of employment, and once it has become imbedded in Iowa football tradition, Wiz’s song has the potential to rival Wisconsin’s “Jump Around,” possibly igniting a handful of inspired comeback victories.

If only we had it last year — am I right?


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