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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Be positive when dealing with anyone you are involved with financially. Lay your cards on the table, and ask direct questions so that you know where you stand and what needs to be done. Get everything out in the open so you are free to move forward baggage-free.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Sorrow will prevail if you or someone you are dealing with isn't honest regarding feelings and long-term plans. Keeping secrets will not solve problems. Gather your thoughts and explain your situation.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Take a close look at what you have to offer and how you can display your best assets. Refrain from letting your emotions take over. Withholding information will quickly jeopardize your position and could ruin a good deal.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Problems are inevitable and must be handled immediately. Give your undivided attention and time to turning a negative into a positive. Hesitating because you are uncertain will only make matters worse.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don't let an emotional or money problem dampen your day. Focus on what you can offer others without going over budget and how you can make the most of your talents, skills, and knowledge. Communication is highlighted.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Be honest with others and yourself. Problems at home will develop if you overspend on things you cannot afford. Doing the work and saving money will impress someone who can change your life.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Surround yourself with people who motivate you, and you will accomplish more. Equality will make any partnership work more efficiently. Delegate responsibilities. Love is in the stars.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Make plans to socialize and put a little romance into your life. The people you connect with now will be inspirational — mentally, emotionally, and financially. Someone from your past will be able to help you out now. Make contact.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Bring on any change you can that will help you feel more comfortable in your surroundings and with the people who mean the most to you. Don't believe everything you hear from a third party. An opportunity for a move should be acted upon.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't reveal too much about what you are up to personally. If you are reconnecting with someone from your past, make sure this development isn't going to cause additional stress on your current personal situation. Resolve one set of circumstances before you decide to take on another.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Too much, too fast will end up costing you. Don't let emotional matters lead to deception and sorrow. Keep everything you do out in the open so you aren't blamed for hiding information that might incriminate you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Make change based on what you see and hear firsthand. Don't be fooled by someone trying to push you in a direction that doesn't suit your needs. Anger will surface if you feel threatened or pushed by someone with whom you are in an emotional or financial partnership.





Things I Will Never Understand:

• Shiny stickers left on the bills of guys' hats. Are you going to wear it for a week and then return it? Are you going to stick it on your shirt after you pee to reward yourself? Are you just really in to holographic logos? Explain yourself!

• The Shake Weight. I'm not buying it. I'm pretty sure guys do a version of this workout at least six times a day, and they don't all have buff arms. In fact, the ones that do this "workout" the most are usually the least in shape.

• Touch of Gray hair dye for men. Guys, I'm glad you've got youth and experience; but I don't need to see that experience on your head unless you're George Clooney.

• Pajama jeans. So comfortable you'll want to sleep in them? No thanks, I'd rather sleep in nothing at all. You can't get more comfortable than that.

• Larry the Cable Guy. Every time I hear "Git 'r done," I lose a few very valuable brain cells. Come on, Larry, hit the gym, take a shower, then go to the dentist and figure out why you talk like a 90-year-old man with no teeth.

• Body shapers that suck it all in. Where do all the extra inches go? How do you breathe in these things? I'd have to carry around my inhaler and a pair of fabric scissors in case of an emergency.

• Man thongs. Doesn't that just shove it all up in an awkward … no. I'm not even going to go there.

• People who have kids they can't afford. Come on people, diapers and baby food are more expensive than condoms.

• Why kids always are always sticky.

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