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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take advantage of a moneymaking opportunity. Don’t let past jobs or people you have worked with cause you to shy away from a similar deal. A partnership that was a problem in the past can now be used to your advantage.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You’ll feel like you are in a tug of war if you allow others to manipulate your territory. Stand strong, and defend your position and your assets. Do your homework before you volunteer time or money.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ve got a lot going on, but by practicing efficiency, you can accomplish your goals and master a new set of skills. Love is apparent and an emotional connection can be enhanced by an act of thoughtfulness.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Set your sights high, but don’t go overboard. A change in your financial status due to a job interview, advancement, or coming into an unexpected gift or payoff of some sort is evident.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The more you interact with friends, peers, or people who share your interests, the more you will gain in knowledge and encouragement. There is plenty to look forward to, so plan your next trip or consider taking a course.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): With a little push and help from your friends, you can accomplish anything you set out to do. Prepare to put in long hours and hard work, and the payoff will come your way. Don’t let anyone who is not supportive stand in your way.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Learn more about what your community offers and how you can be a part of it. The interaction you have today will give you ideas regarding a service you can offer. There is money to be made if you invest in your own ability and talent.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take a leap of faith. The idea is not bad, it’s the way others have gone about doing it that has caused them to fail. You can learn and make minor adjustments, allowing you to be the one who finds success in a challenging field.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Emotions will run high, and the chance of making a mistake is likely. Change is upon you, but to ensure that it is favorable, take each step carefully, and make sure you are getting exactly what you want. Love is in the stars.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may be fooled by your own shortsightedness. Look beyond, ask questions, and find out the facts required to make the right choice. Taking on more than you can handle will lead to a struggle that will not end in your favor.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Contracts, interviews, settlements, or investing in something you believe in will all pan out. Focus on love late in the day. Your original and trendy approach will attract people who can offer you equality and support.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You are positioned and poised for success. You can persuade others to have an interest in your ideas. Using your timing and expertise to the fullest will lead to your personal and professional happiness.





Every Class I Will Ever Take

Receive the syllabus and devise secret nickname for professor. After three lectures, decide I know everything about the class, begin skipping lectures, but continue going to discussions for the attendance points and to get in some serious Angry Birds time in the back row. At the first midterm, quickly realize that I actually know nothing about the class, get a C-, and vow to go to all lectures and office hours from that point forward. Attend the next two lectures, only realize that I am far too far behind to understand the material everyone else is now learning, then begin to skip lectures again in an attempt to catch up to the rest of the class. Go to office hours for the first time, casually inform professor of the nickname I gave him, and be banned from office hours indefinitely. At the second midterm, manage an A- because the TA doesn’t see me copying answers from the people around me and realize that if I do well on the final, I can get a B- in the class. Instead of going to lectures, I go to Starbucks and read the analogous Wikipedia articles and watch YouTube videos of people getting hit in the crotch by various objects. Before final exam, cram for three-days straight on a diet consisting solely of 5-Hour Energy drinks, Wheat Thins, and Mike & Ikes. At final exam, fall asleep halfway through, but still wake up in time to finish with a C-. Prepare long speech to my parents about how I let them down, only find out that the class was graded on a steep curve, and my final grade is now a B. Celebrate my good grade by drinking all night and killing the brain cells containing all the valuable information I learned. Between semesters, brag to my friends about how I did nothing in the class and still came out with a B, but inwardly vow to never repeat this stressful, destructive cycle again.

Then I repeat the cycle the next semester.

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