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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don’t stop believing in yourself. You have plenty to offer but will also attract critics. As long as you are happy, nothing else really matters. Love is apparent, so socialize with upbeat people who love you.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Communications will be your strong point and will help you excel and accomplish your goals. Avoid overspending. Emotional deception can be expected from someone you trust. Don’t be too upfront about the way you feel.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A new year has just begun, and starting it out on the right foot will make a difference as time goes by. Focus on how you can make your home more user-friendly. There is plenty to think about, but action is what’s required.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You cannot trust your emotions. Self-deception may interfere with sound judgment. A change may not be welcome but is probably overdue. Before you fight whatever is coming down the pipeline, consider both sides of the coin.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Look on the bright side, and you’ll attract positive people to help you achieve your goals. The way you present your plans will determine how much you accomplish. Now is the time to motivate and inspire those around you to join in.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Getting involved in social events or challenging activities will result in satisfaction and a sense of being not only valuable but somewhat invincible. Idle time will lead to conflict and emotional upset.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t pay too much attention to the people in your life who are whining or being critical and unreasonable. Surround yourself with those interested in accomplishment. Life is a journey, and it’s up to you to enjoy it.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have lots of opportunities, but if you waste your time listening to those being negative, you will miss out on something that can be fun, encouraging, and will get you all charged up about your future. A past experience will help you make the right choice.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): There is nothing wrong with a day trip or planning a vacation, but before you commit, make sure you can afford to go. There are plenty of ways to alter your surroundings without going into debt. You will upset someone you are indebted to if you don’t include her or him in your plans.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ll feel the limitations and frustrations brought on by taking care of someone else’s responsibilities. Say “no” if you want to spare yourself the aggravation of dealing with someone who is constantly taking advantage of your kind heart and generosity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Discipline may be required if you want to avoid someone or something that is off limits. Your aggressive behavior will send the wrong impression. It’s up to you to act fast but responsibly.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Revel in your accomplishments but not without laying out the plans for future goals. There are more people counting on you than you realize, so be responsible and reliable. Don’t let someone’s insincere gestures lead you astray.





My reactions to Esquire’s 1,000 Things [I] Don’t Know about Women:

#129: “When we walk into a room we notice which women you'd sleep with before you do.” No you don’t.

#264: “We like manly hands, but no one wants to be touched by hard, calloused paws. Moisturize that shit. We do.” Manly, feminine hands. Got it.

#54: “It’s okay if you want to watch Steel Magnolias with us. But if you cry harder than we do when Shelby dies, you are going to have to start answering some questions.” WELL THANKS FOR RUINING STEEL MAGNOLIAS FOR EVERYONE WHO HASN’T SEEN IT, YET!

#539: “Have a posh English accent, if at all possible.” Lie, and pretend to be someone I’m not. Got it.

#952: “We want to trust you, which is why we hire private detectives.” Bribe private detectives. Got it.

#130: “Never start any sentence with ‘my last girlfriend really liked it when I...’” Aww, but my last girlfriend really liked it when I started sentences that way.

#194: “Wear 100 percent cashmere sweaters. We can't help but touch you.” 100 percent cashmere boxers. Got it.

#312: “There should never be rhinestones on your clothing. Or your belt. Ever. We are the sparkly ones.” So I’m not supposed to sparkle. Sounds easy enough.

#965: “We enjoy Twilight even though it's a four-volume installment of a fantasy you'll never live up to. It doesn't mean you're not great. It just means you don't sparkle.” DAMN IT!!

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