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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Making a personal change that will boost your morale or bring you greater confidence will brighten your day. Be sincere; follow through with your promises. Love is in the stars. Live life fully.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take note of the way people handle situations, and you will get a good lesson in how to make better choices. Travel and educational pursuits will allow you to explore new avenues and discuss topics of interest with people who have more expertise.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Being aware of what others want and what’s expected of you will be half the battle. You don’t want to be caught in a no-win situation that ends up costing you financially. Discipline and composure will be required.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): There is plenty to discuss with family and colleagues. Lay your cards on the table, and you will find out quickly who has something to add to your plans. Don’t let personal responsibilities or burdens stand in your way.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You’ll have trouble concentrating. A serious relationship will have a greater chance to go the distance if you are willing to share your feelings and make a promise. Your assessment of what you have may not be up to date.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Acknowledging what will suit your needs will help you more than you realize. Talk over your plans with anyone who can help or who might be influenced by the decisions you make. Schedule a meeting with a potential partner, and you will seal the deal.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You’ll have mixed emotions regarding your future. Don’t combine personal and work-related matters. Keeping the peace at home will be difficult, but it mustn’t stop you from doing what’s expected. An old plan can be reworked.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You need a change in your life. Your intuition will help you make the right choice. Learn from past mistakes, and you will end up in a good position that is sure to help you in all aspects of your life.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You can’t please everyone, so concentrate on those who really count. If you feel the need to make changes to your personal life, don’t hem and haw. The less time you spend lingering over the inevitable, the better for everyone involved.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Expect to be faced with emotional issues. Someone you are close to will need your undivided attention. Neglect will lead to negative responses and will limit what you can do in the future.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Finances will limit what you can do. A couple of changes to your outlook and your appearance will help you attract interest professionally or personally. You can stabilize your life by taking on a project that will lead to greater income.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Call the shots before someone else does. If you don’t take control, you will only have yourself to blame. A meeting with someone who has something you need or want can work in your favor if you are straight and fair. Draw up an agreement that will satisfy you both.





Random thoughts:

• Now that TV has started picking up on viral videos and internet memes, we have a brand new way to watch YouTube videos we saw years ago!

• I once read somewhere that “fart” was, phonetically, generally agreed upon to be the most beautiful word in the entire English language. I think it was on the back of a cereal box.

• It's just like Lenin said, man: “I am the walrus.”

• Knowing may be half the battle, but nobody has ever won by fighting half the battle.

• Alfred, Lord Tennyson once said “’Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” But the rock group Yes once said that the owner of a lonely heart is much better than the owner of a broken heart. I just don’t know who to believe anymore. And I’m hungry. Life is hard.

• You know, as a fully grown and functioning human, with a beard and a job and everything, I really should know my own blood type. Oh screw it; I’ll just go with O- if anybody asks.

• I’ve never seen the members of any marching band take off their hats while playing the national anthem. WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA, MARCHING BANDS?!

• I think too many people take not having to pee for granted. Ever really stop and appreciate how good it feels to not have to pee? I wait until the last possible second (which, admittedly, does make it feel so much better), but that all ends today. I’m going to start appreciating my emptier bladder more, by golly. I don’t have to pee right now, and let me tell you: it feels damn good, sport.

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