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ARIES (March 21-April 19): If it's not possible to have a day of pampering, consider an outing with the kids or fixing up your place. Avoid all the people who aggravate you, and focus on those offering love and appreciation.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You'll learn something about someone that will help you make a good choice. Love and romance are in the stars, and time should be put aside to socialize, if you are single, or to spend time with the special person in your life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Whether it's someone you work with, a relative, or just a good friend, use your imagination to come up with a token of your appreciation that will go over well. It will ensure you get the support you need emotionally, financially, or professionally in the future.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Welcome change with open arms. Being adaptable will enhance your career and your future. Throw a little romance into the mix late in the day, and you won't be sorry. Don't hold back when there is so much to say and do.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Take time to have some fun with friends or colleagues. Mixing business with pleasure may not be wise. Don't be fooled by a financial deal that has no substance. A personal relationship may take a nosedive if jealousy or possessiveness take over.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Invite friends over, or spend time decking the house with festive decorations. You have plenty to look forward to and to be thankful for. Love is on the rise, and getting involved in something that uses your talent skillfully will pay off.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Someone will be very critical if you don't stick to the rules. Politely turn down any invitation in which you have no interest, and focus on something or someone who can add to your plans and your popularity.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Look at the past, present, and future, and you will see where you may have gone wrong. Back up and redo. Imagination, coupled with talent, will help you break ground in new territory. Network, and sell your expertise.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You should sit back and observe. If you jump in too soon, you will face opposition and complaints. Changes within friendships can be expected and must be accepted for what they are. Be willing to move on.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don't be afraid to tell the people you love how you feel and what your intentions are. You need an emotional release, and in order to make it favorable, it's important that you get your feelings out in the open.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Use a little discipline, and you will get back on track and feel good about what you are doing. You'll make the people you love proud if you take on a responsibility that shows you are ready to do something good for others.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Make some adjustments to your surroundings. Romance looks favorable. A financial gain through winnings, a settlement, an old debt paid, or even a gift is forthcoming.





What my True Love gave me for the Twelve Days of Christmas:

• Drumline on Blu-Ray. "There's gotta be at least twelve drummers drumming in that movie, right?"

• A hooka, and then she invited nine friends over to smoke it with us. "There, that's 11 pipers piping. Now go to the store and get us some Doritos."

• Tickets to see Lord of the Dance. "You love all that femmy Irish crap, right?"

• Tickets to see Lord of the Dance. "Dude, there's probably also at least nine ladies dancing in this show, and at $118.50 for our tickets, you damn well better count it as two presents."

• Eight issues of Jugs magazine. "Now maybe you can leave mine alone for a little while."

• The first seven Swans albums. "I don't care if you don't like punk rock; you try finding swan-themed presents."

• A six-pack of Honkers Ale. "Not that you need it, Mr. Beer Gut."

• FIVE FREE RINGTONES! "Because if I have to listen to 'Waterfall' one more freaking time, I will punch you."

• Four calling birds. "I don't care what you do with them. Remember what you got me? A Snuggie. So you can damn well shut your pie hole."

• Three buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken. She said, "Go ahead. Tell me KFC is not French. I dare you."

• A turtledove chocolate. "There were two, but I ate one. Chocolate makes me forget how much I hate you."

• A partridge in a pear tree cross-stitch. She said, "You know what? I think we should just break up. I'm out of here. And I'm taking my Drumline Blu-Ray."

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