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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may be used to rushing here and there, but today you must slow down and give a little more time and attention to what you do and say. Tactful diplomacy will be required. Get involved in an activity that will ease your stress.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Be the leader; take charge. Getting along with colleagues will ensure you get the support you need. A change at work or within an organization you do business with will be favorable.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): There is money to be made and contracts to draw up and sign. An opportunity to help someone will lead to a job that brings a cash return. Don't turn down a chance to volunteer your services.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Plan a social event, or get together with friends who share your interests. Do something that will make you happy or will help you feel good about yourself. Love and romance are highlighted.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Sticking around home may result in an emotional situation. Do something that challenges and inspires you. Don't show your surprise or get upset if you don't like what you hear from a friend.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You'll have to pick your battles carefully. On the one hand, you can have some really good talks that lead to constructive change. But you can also meet with disapproval and criticism if you are too vocal. Stay calm.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't let depression set in just because someone is giving you a hard time. A little creativity incorporated into whatever you do will differentiate your work from that of others. Do something nice for a friend, relative, or neighbor.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Do what you can to make your home life better. Plan to have friends over or offer your home as a meeting place for colleagues. You may find that you are thinking more about a past partner. Weigh the pros and cons.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It will be difficult to contain your feelings, especially if someone is giving you the runaround or playing emotional games with you. Don't mix business with pleasure. Someone is likely to let you down or not show you the respect you deserve.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Prepare for the unexpected. If you are ready for whatever can go wrong, you can avoid a situation with someone who tends to overreact. You can avoid a lot of unnecessary turmoil if you refuse to argue with someone who is looking for a fight.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Emotions will escalate. You can start working on something innovative or lend a helping hand to someone in need, but if you leave yourself too much idle time, you will eventually run into trouble. A last-minute change of plans will cause upset.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Try your hand at something you've always wanted to do but never had the time. The skills you have, coupled with your imagination, will lead to a profitable venture. Someone with the ability to help you get ahead will like what you are doing.

 

 

 

 


People I hate (and you should, too):

• People who sing songs but don't know the right words. How do you learn the wrong words to a song? Or is this your own remix, MC Tonedef?

• People who walk inconsiderately with umbrellas. When you see me crying in the rain it's not because I'm sentimental, it's because my eye was just gouged out by Mary Poppins.

• People who think they're the Hulk after a few drinks. Not everyone at the bar wants to fight you, which is probably why they're all making fun of you.

• People who wear fedoras. Yes, you look so unique in that dumb hat that barely fits over your head. Especially hanging out with ten other spiffy chaps in the same Urban Outfitters headgear.

• People who spell it "colour" but who aren't European. Morouns, all ouf youu.

• People who laugh inappropriately hard at professor's jokes. Professors are smart; they're not comedians, and they know this. They also know you're not laughing your way to an A.

• People who exhibit obnoxious PDA in bars. We get it: you're young, you're in love, and that's great… FOR YOU. In reality, the rest of the bar doesn't want to watch you practice soft-core porn.

• Chronic drunken heart-to-heart conservationists. Your goldfish may be dead, you may have been a bubble off on your Scantron, and yes, I saw her, she was definitely a dude. I still don't care.













 
 
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