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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don't stop believing in who you are and what you can do. Serious hard work will lead to a partnership that will contribute to your professional and personal well-being. Success is heading your way.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Shake off any feelings of insecurity, and bravely move forward. Take aggressive action toward your goal. Love is in the stars. Don't be fooled by someone asking for too much.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Smart, swift, and serviceable will be what's required. Focus on what's important to you. Discipline, coupled with understanding and empathy will help you keep emotional things running smoothly. Your creativity will separate you from the competition.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You have lots of opportunities if you are willing to implement a couple of changes into your current lifestyle. Don't let someone else's burden stop you from following a path that can bring happiness and satisfaction.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Chances are, you missed a very small but important detail that could cost you financially or emotionally. Don't take anyone's word when it comes to contractual agreements, especially if it has to do with your home, family, or finances. Do your own research.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take on a new pastime, or pick up skills that will help you get ahead professionally, personally, or financially. There is a change heading your way regarding the way you handle others as well as how you handle your money. Better times are ahead.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don't allow anyone to stifle your actions or silence you when you have something important to contribute. Stand up for your beliefs, opinions, and what you want to pursue. Once you eliminate what is making life so complicated, you will have success.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put a little fun back into your life. Life is about balance. You'll make a better impression on friends and colleagues if you share a little down-time. Get to know people better, and you will succeed.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You'll find it difficult to sit still, so get out your to-do list and start checking off your accomplishments. Idle time will result in discord. Rely on your stamina and know-how to impress people and your diplomacy to keep you out of trouble.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Put your emotions on the back burner and look at whatever you face practically. There is a logical answer for everything. Use past references to make the right decision now. Look up an old friend with something to contribute to a project.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It's better to do what you can to get ahead and to finish what you start before sharing what you are up to. Discipline will build your confidence and add to your credentials. Work and money will go hand in hand.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don't get angry or tie yourself up in arguments that will lead nowhere. Concentrate on deals and financial gains. There is money heading your way. Love is prominent. Consider making a move.

 

 

 

 


More great ways the City Council could improve Iowa City:

• Remove all street lights between Linn and Governor so drunken freshman roaming streets looking for house parties are more likely to get hit by cars.

• In addition to banning smoking in the Pedestrian Mall, completely ban smiling, puppies, the eating of candy, all walking besides tip toeing, high-fiving, the telling of jokes, positive thoughts, friendliness, eye contact, and breathing.

• Corral, apprehend, harass, and arrest EVERYONE on Melrose for open container tickets, even if their containers are closed. And even if they don't have containers.

• Further piss-off money donating, tailgating alumni by throwing them in Johnson County Jail as easily as if they were students (whoops, sorry, they're already on top of that one).

• Turn the street preachers into adjunct professors and give them 8:30 a.m. lecture slots. Curricula shall cover blatant homophobia, radical sexism, light-hearted racism, sodomy cessation therapy (since this is apparently a problem we all have), and crazy people fashion.

• Raise the fine of every citation by at least 300 percent, since the average college student can totally afford thousands of dollars in fines each semester.

• Make being a college student illegal, with a lifetime sentence of indentured servitude on the banks of the good ol' Iowa River.

• Raise the bar cutoff to 30-years-old to increase fine revenues from PAULA citations and (more importantly) so that I'll have more company while roaming the streets looking for house parties and trying not to get hit by cars.













 
 
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