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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Look for any opportunity to get ahead professionally. Take care of any personal business immediately if it might cause a problem in the future. Someone will mislead you or offer you something that will not develop.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A chance to better yourself or your position is apparent. Consider an organization or institution over an individual when it comes to joining forces. Pour your heart and soul into your presentation.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t trust your emotions to lead you down the right path. Your priorities are out of whack, and the time has come to reorganize your thoughts and plans for the future. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your good nature.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The more you mingle and interact with people in your industry, the better your chances will be to advance. Add to your skills by picking up a course offering a variety of information, services, or products. Make sure that what you are getting into will be cost-efficient.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You will find it difficult to win, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart or anything to do with your personal life, family, and home. You will be sold a bill of goods if you rely on someone else’s expertise instead of your own common sense.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Taking refuge in places outside your home and away from family will be your best outlet for success. Problems at home will only lead to indecisiveness and accomplishing little. Expand your environment; gains can be made.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Letting others know too much about your past will work against you. Be a little mysterious. A memory will surface because of something or someone you encounter. Don’t let it throw you off.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your ability to take care of your responsibilities will show how able you are. You will enhance your reputation personally and professionally, enabling you to connect with individuals equally as strong and passionate about end results.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t let your enthusiasm cause you to promise something you cannot deliver. Serious, hard work will get you the accolades you are so intent on receiving. Emotions will be hard to control, and they could lead to an irreversible situation.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ve got everything figured out, so stop analyzing and start doing. Your ideas are sound, and the approach you take will enable you to capture important attention as well as support. A better financial situation will allow you freedom to expand.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Be honest with yourself and with the people who care about you. Deception, overindulgence, and getting involved for the wrong reason will all lead to trouble. Hard work, strength, courage, and positive action will bring better results.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Be honest, and double check what anyone tells you. Manipulation will be in full force from both your side and someone else’s. Your reputation will be at stake, so be true to your word.

 

 

 

 


Things I’ve thought while watching horror movies:



• We need to capture Jason Vorhees and steal his teleportation technology.

• He’s a 7-foot-tall guy who can tomahawk throw an axe more than 100 yards ... Did you really expect that hitting him with a broom handle would accomplish anything?

• You heard a window break downstairs and then the power went out ... and you’re investigating this why exactly?

• Every well-trained, gun-equipped police officer who’s crossed the killer’s path has died immediately, yet you, a 103-pound teenage girl, were able to fight him off and escape? Sure, makes sense.

• So your boyfriend went downstairs to get some wine 10 minutes ago and he’s still not back? Clearly, this is an opportune time to take a shower.

• You just locked yourself in a bathroom with only one entrance. Didn’t think that one through too well, huh?

• Whenever the monster saw anyone else, it devoured them right away, but for some reason, it decided to get really close to your face and sniff you before trying to eat you, only to be foiled? Zoologically improbable at best.

• A lot of people don’t understand Michael Myers, but I can totally relate to the character. I know that if my sister had shot me in the head with a magnum, I’d still be alive, too.

• So every townsperson’s first piece of advice upon meeting you was “Don’t go into the woods at night,” and yet you somehow felt the need to do just that? Good riddance, idiot.

• You were dead sprinting through the pitch black woods; of course you fell!













 
 
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