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ARIES (March 21-April 19): The easier you are to get along with, the more you will accomplish. Put your efforts into doing a good job and being a team player, and you will make gains far beyond your expectations. Listen, and you will learn something valuable.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You don’t have to make a fast decision or follow what someone else is doing if you feel uneasy. Minor mishaps can be prevented if you are careful. Being self-sufficient is a must.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Look at the bright side of any situation you face, and you will sway others to think the same as you. Laziness or trying to get others to do things for you will be your only mistake. Do your best, and you’ll attract contributors and assistance.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t get worked up with the excitement going on around you. Watch, listen, and base your moves on what you want to see happen. An emotional issue can cloud your vision, causing you to miss out on a great opportunity.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your communication skills will not be stellar, so before you confront a situation that is bothering you, think matters through thoroughly. Once you disclose your ideas and thoughts, you will be open to criticism. Networking will be worthwhile.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t shy away from a responsibility that has the potential to bring you more clout and control. An opportunity to make a financial gain looks promising. Make a couple of changes to your portfolio and a partnership.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Be careful not to reveal too much information. Emotional matters will escalate if you discuss your plans with someone who doesn’t agree with you. Concentrate on a creative project that will take your mind off your worries.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t waffle when you should be moving full steam ahead. Your fear is holding you back, and until you are ready to put that aside, you can’t move forward. Sitting idle will be your downfall.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You may have to take care of responsibilities that don’t belong to you or make changes that will limit your time. Look at the bright side, and realize the positive side of your situation. You are likely to meet or start collaborating with someone who complements your plans.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Now is not the time to push or pick fights. Efforts put in at home or to improve your surroundings or your financial situation should be at the top of your to-do list. Talk with a trusted friend.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Good fortune and a favorable connection with someone you find interesting can change your life positively. It may be time to change your lifestyle or at least to look into ways that you can improve your current situation. Love is in the stars.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Uncertainty will prevail, but that shouldn’t stop you from checking out alternatives and potential opportunities. A close relationship you have may be in jeopardy if either one of you is not being completely honest.

 

 

 

 


Dear mildly attractive girl sitting kitty-corner from me on the plane

I’m not sure why you first caught my eye. Perhaps it was the way your baggy sweats accentuate the mediocrity of your figure, the way your eyes seemed to say, “I could be really hot if I lost 15 to 20 pounds,” or maybe it was the lack of any other mildly attractive females on this nearly empty redeye from LAX to ORD, but catch my eye you did. But things haven’t worked out for us as well as I had once hoped. You see, though I try never to judge a book by its cover, I judged your book by its cover — and by extension, you by its cover. Now, maybe you’re simply illiterate, trying to fool people into believing otherwise and just really unlucky when it comes to selecting props to facilitate your chicanery. But, no, we both know the truth: You’re one of them. You were reading Sarah Palin’s *Going Rogue*. “But Andrew,” you (or the voice in my head imagining what your voice might sound like) might say, “I was reading it ironically, for purely academic purposes! I like making fun of these stupid tea partiers just as much as you do, you handsome and dexterous man!” Your correct assessment of my physical attributes notwithstanding, the fact of the matter remains that, were someone actually reading this book for the purposes you contend, he or she would probably have removed the book jacket, or at the very least not repeatedly shown the book to the elderly man in the next seat, flipping straight to the section with all the campaign photographs as if reading a picture book to a kindergartner. No, I’m sorry; I don’t buy it. And to think, I once found you mildly attractive! This relationship is over, quasi-attractive girl sitting kitty-corner from me on the plane.










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