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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Challenge yourself physically to get your heart pumping. Getting together with friends will boost your morale, but it will also present you with emotional questions regarding someone you have known for some time. Stay out of an argument.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Allowing yourself to get exhausted will leave you in a vulnerable state mentally, physically, and emotionally, and that could lead to life-altering mistakes. Pamper and protect yourself, and learn to say no.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Be a little secretive. It’s mystery and intrigue that will attract attention. Use your imagination, and you can turn your home into the sanctuary you deserve. A little will go a long way, so don’t overspend or overdo.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Get your responsibilities out of the way so no one has anything to complain about. A couple of alterations at work will position you nicely for advancement. Don’t get bullied into taking care of someone else’s job.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You can face situations with ultimatums or compromise. You cannot give in, but you should meet somewhere in the middle. Don’t bully your way through a situation, or you will have to deal with the consequences.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take a trip that will satisfy your curiosity about someone or something that interests you. Taking care of personal needs will bring good results as well as compliments from friends, family, or your lover.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You may not like what you have to do, but if it means you will secure your position or stabilize your future, it’s in your best interest. Use your imagination, and you will realize the benefits that come along with making a strategic move, even if it does seem disruptive.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Deception will exist because of emotional issues. Whether it’s your not being honest with yourself or someone else withholding information, you must face facts and rectify the problem. Open up, and talk candidly. A partnership is stronger than you realize.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Push to get things done, and take care of your responsibilities. You will be successful if you work hard, criticized if you leave things undone or for someone else to complete. A lack of honesty will work against you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Pull out all the ammunition, and put your plans in motion. What you accomplish now will put you in a position of power among your peers, colleagues, and friends. Believe in yourself, and so will everyone around you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You will not see clearly an emotional situation you face. Expect someone to keep information from you to spare your feelings or to avoid an awkward situation. Don’t let a bad relationship bring out the worst in you. Separate yourself from the people who contribute to your bad habits.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Someone who thinks differently will disapprove of what you are doing if you reveal too much information. Consistency will help you move ahead of the competition. Love is in the stars and is probably a better place to put your energy.

 

 

 

 


We hold these truths to be self-evident (and a little nerdy)

• If the wizards in the Harry Potter series can somewhat easily heal all near-fatal wounds and accidents, one would think they’d also have a spell to give their children 20/20 vision.

• So Anakin Skywalker builds himself an effeminate, British droid as a child, then puts a stranglehold on the galaxy trying to prove how much he loves some chick? Sublimed, repressed homosexuality, that is.

• I get that part of Batman’s unending allure as a hero is his tortured past, but maybe he could give the whole emo self-pity thing a rest once in a while? To make it worse, Batman constantly cries about the death of his parents within earshot of Superman, a pretty upbeat and well-adjusted dude for someone — you know — had is entire planet destroyed and nearly his whole race wiped-out while he was still an infant.

• Speaking of Superman … I’m a bit baffled as to why he persists with attempts to conceal his identity when, thanks to the unwritten laws of superhero costuming, every single person in Metropolis must know the exact width and length of his penis by now.

• Ever notice that the majority of Jesus’ miracles can be replicated by third-level Cleric spells? Just sayin’.

• According to both BBC and Ridley Scott, men’s hair products were apparently widely available during the times of Robin Hood.

• Darth Vader? Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t find any villain who sounds like my dad after going up two flights of stairs all that scary. (Unless it’s my dad, of course.)










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