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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don’t let personal troubles stand in the way of what you need to accomplish. Any angst you are feeling must be channeled into motivating yourself to accomplish the most. You can make major gains if you concentrate on what’s important.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t slow down, take a pass, or walk away from any opportunity big or small. You have what it takes to deliver. You will reach your goals and impress the people you are dealing with.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Favors will not be granted. Anyone promising too much should be avoided. You have to make your plans based on what you know and what you can offer. A learning experience is apparent. Reach out to an old friend.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Look for someone you relate to and consider how you can work together to reach a common goal. The discussions will have the potential to lead into a solid partnership. Love will be enhanced if you offer help.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Put your heart into whatever you do. There is no room for error if you want to avoid complaints. Your efforts could very well lead to an interesting offer if you are diligent and detailed with your actions and your communications.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t forget to put time aside for someone who interests you personally. A trip will help you put your life in perspective and visualize changes you can implement to make it better. Sharing your emotional and personal thoughts will change your life.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Proceed with caution. You will be inclined to overdo and overspend if you aren’t careful. If you go overboard, you will end up worrying about how you are going to pay for your indulgences.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s time to make a commitment that will make up for some of the areas you may have been lacking in an important relationship. Setting the record straight and being open about your intentions will help you form a closer relationship.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You may have to do some quick mathematics if you are going to resolve a financial issue you face. Pay off debts, and ease your stress. You may have to make some big changes at home and with family.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Love is on the rise, and a couple of nice offerings on your part will bring you closer together and help you make solid plans for the future. An old friend will help you see what you’ve been missing, allowing you to enjoy life more.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t share your thoughts if you think it might hurt someone. Problems with money will lead to a change in the way you do things. A problem with someone you want to get closer to can lead to a mistake you will end up regretting.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Contracts will be offered if you are dedicated and determined and have done the necessary legwork. Don’t be afraid to share your ideas, intentions, and goals. An old lover is thinking about you.





Oh, hello supposed “friend” who still hasn’t RSVP’d for my birthday party this coming Saturday …

If you don’t want to come to my birthday party, then fine. Don’t come. But at least have the common decency to RSVP and say so; don’t be a jerk about it.

You say you never got an invitation? Sir, I would call you “liar” if not for the fact I know you lack the base creativity and intelligence necessary for the title. It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other that I’m guessing you just plain forgot who I was. Me, I never forget a face; and I definitely remember both of yours.

The truth is: I’m happy you’re not coming. The evening will be all the more enjoyable without enduring your ceaseless, boring prattle. I guess everybody has the right to be dull if they want, but you, sir, abuse the privilege. In fact, the next time I feel the need for a week’s vacation, I’ll just find and talk to you for about 5 minutes.

But what I’ve really never liked or understood about you is your ego; you’re the greatest piece of mediocrity I’ve ever seen. You’re not half as cultured as a yogurt cup, you think cardamom is a panacea for an utter lack of any cooking ability.

I’d say you were a narcissist, but you’re simply not attractive enough. You never had what it takes to be a model; heck, you barely have what it takes to be a bad example. You’ve got such a large forehead that I’m surprised it doesn’t require congressional representation.

Oh, and another thing I … um … wait. I just found your invitation in my backpack. I guess I did forget to mail it. Sorry. So … see you Saturday? And remember: Bring a gift!

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