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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You cannot let anyone’s negativity or pushy nature slow you down. Let your intentions be known and your determination seen. The more active you are, the more attention you will attract and help you will receive.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you aren’t happy with the way things are going, pick up some new skills or start sending your resume to companies that will appreciate what you have to offer. Don’t follow the crowd; do what works best for you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Attending an event, taking a trip or surfing the Internet will lead to knowledge and clearer vision concerning your future and what you want to do. Social events and romance are favored and can enhance your relationship or lead to a new one.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Get back to the simpler things in life. An opportunity to make a change does look positive but only if you can make it work personally as well as professionally. Consider the effects of any change you make.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You are clear about what you want and how you are going to get it. Make your move with strength and courage, and you won’t need to explain yourself. Don’t worry about emotional issues going on at home until you finish formulating your plan and make it happen.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Conversations with people who have experienced what you are trying to do will lead to good advice. Take a look at what you are up against so you will be ready for whatever competition you face.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Gracious action will bring good results. If you handle people with dignity, you will be well-received. Your integrity and patience will pay off when it comes to money matters. You will be noticed by someone who can alter your future.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Go after your dreams. An interesting turn of events will unfold. Use a little intrigue, coupled with your magnetic charm, to capture the attention of someone who can orchestrate positive transformations.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You cannot let anyone meddle in your affairs or stand in the way of your progress. A change at home may be unexpected, but in the end, you will benefit. Look out for your own interests. Don’t let love lead to loss.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may want to sit back and smell the roses instead of getting involved in situations that will cause anxiety. Don’t take on more than you can handle for someone else’s benefit. Put yourself first and get some rest.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do something to enhance your appearance, and you will raise your status and the potential to increase your bank account. Take care of emotional issues quickly, and a love connection will take a serious turn.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your unpredictable nature will cause some uncertainty when it comes to partnerships, business, and the options you have in the future. Expect to be cornered by someone who wants you to make a commitment you aren’t ready to take. Say no, and move along.





Helpful homework hints

• Commercials and intermissions create more than enough time to complete any homework assignment.

• *Lilo & Stitch* stickers will liven up even the drabbest of term papers.

• If you use two computers, you can procrastinate twice as fast.

• You can retain more information if you relate everything to video games, alcohol, or episodes of “The Simpsons.”

• Need another source? You can write an article on Wikipedia and then cite it!

• Writing papers can be mucH more fun If you eMbed cOvert Messages in them.

• All math problems can be solved using the formula: 42*(problem number^2*room number)/(date assigned + TA weight in grams). Because of this fact, math TAs are fired if their weight is discovered.

• Every group project will have a slacker. There’s no use in complaining; it’s actually part of a good group dynamic and improves teamwork among all non-slacker members. But still, these are group projects, so always be sure to call dibs on the slacker role, unless you want the extra work.

• At this university, any presentation delivered in a British or Australian accent is automatically awarded 5 percent grading bump. Ten percent if it rhymes.

• If you can find one of those elusive No. 3 pencils, do all your Scantron tests with it. The machine will become frustrated when it can’t read your answers, but will mark them all correct rather than risk looking stupid.

• All historical figures, from all centuries and locations, are still only seven degrees removed from Kevin Bacon.

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