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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Keep a low profile, and you will stand a much better chance of getting things accomplished. An emotional moment with someone you work with or for will set you back or cause you to miss out on an opportunity to advance. Don’t mix business with pleasure.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Someone from your past will offer you an opportunity. Your involvement in something that you believe in and the help you offer will raise your profile and your reputation. A stubborn attitude will cause problems at home.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t count on getting the help you need or the favors promised. Concentrate on the people you love most or the organizations you feel most akin to. At the very least, your efforts will make you feel good about yourself.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A partnership that offers you the opportunity to get involved in something that interests you will lead to a better position and future. It’s important that you clearly state your concerns and what you need in return for your services.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Put more time and effort into your relationships. Your energetic approach to whatever you do will lead to impressive accomplishments. A business trip will allow you to show what you have to offer firsthand.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The more you do with friends, peers, and family, the better. Sharing your thoughts with people you trust will lead to opportunities and ideas. The more fun you make a project, the more help you will get and the sooner it will be completed.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your determination and effort will not go unnoticed. A physical problem must be taken care of immediately if you don’t want it to spin out of control. Be careful while traveling.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Stop dreaming; concentrate on what’s factual, and you will be able to stay on course and accomplish what you set out to do. Present what you have to offer, and you will get what you need to proceed. Don’t let friendship get in the way.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are likely to be criticized if you are too eager to share your thoughts and plans. Empty promises will be misleading, and they can cause you to lose valuable time and ruin a potential partnership.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ll be torn between what you should do and what you want to do. Don’t let your heart lead you in the wrong direction when so much is on the line. Pushing too hard will lead to opposition. Honesty will bring the best results.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Put your heart and soul into ways to make more cash. Don’t let red tape or institutions cause you emotional upset. Deal with matters as they arise, and you will avoid feeling pressured, stressed, and overwhelmed.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your good deeds for others will bring you benefits, experience, and the opportunity to use your attributes or skills in a new way. Once you have proven how effective you can be, you will have the ability to earn more.

 

 

 

 


Accolades that have been edited out of Superman’s standard introduction

• Able to do the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in under 10 minutes.

• Able to look manly in a slanket.

• More helpful than Wikipedia.

• Able to watch Old Yeller without crying.

• Smells faintly of lavender.

• Accelerates faster than an out-of-control Toyota Corolla, AND is capable of stopping.

• More thoughtful than a boyfriend who used to be your best friend and wants to impress your parents during his first Christmas at your family’s.

• Capable of rocking you like a hurricane.

• Huggably, squeezably soft.

• Able to wear white after Labor Day.

• Is an above-average dancer.

• More caustic than your mother-in-law’s opinion of everything you’ve ever done.

• Cosmetologist to the stars!

• Fair and balanced.

• Capable of being a brown-noser who’ll do anything for the promotion we both know I deserved to get.

• Hypoallergenic.

• Knows about that thing you like. You know. That thing you like. No, not that one; the other one. The really dirty one. Yeah … that one. He knows about it.









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