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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Shake off anyone’s attempt to make you feel bad. An emotional response will only give the person you are at odds with the upper hand. If you are professional and do your job to the best of your ability, you will get ahead.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)): Think big, follow your heart, and don’t be afraid of what others may think or say. In the end, you will win the support you need and enhance your reputation. Don’t be distracted by someone’s jealousy.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t be too sure of yourself. A problem with love, money, and a job you are working on will make it difficult to meet your deadline. You’ll be moving fast, but in doing so, you will make unnecessary mistakes. Empty promises are apparent.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t let emotional troubles hinder your personal judgment or your professional goals. You are likely to take things the wrong way or give the wrong impression. Once you make a transition, everything will get back to normal.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You will be enthusiastic about your plans and will talk boldly about the things you want to do. A trip will not be without problems, but it will bring you in contact with someone or something that inspires you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You need to interact with people who will spark your enthusiasm and your creative drive. Someone you meet along the way will interest you in a partnership that can complete your life personally or professionally.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Put any troubles you face behind you and get out with friends. You can’t change what’s going on at home, so avoid getting into deep discussions that will only make matters worse. Solutions can be found if you distance yourself.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Make alterations to your personal life and your living arrangements. A residential move will give you a new lease on life and help you to revive some of your old ideas. A longtime partnership will benefit from changes you make.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Nothing will be easy to resolve, especially if you are having difficulty getting along with others. Promises you may not have fulfilled will come back to haunt you. Changing your vocation will not rid you of the problem you are facing.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Give more time to the people and things you enjoy most. You deserve a break and the opportunity to fulfill your dreams. A creative idea you have will be shared with someone who can turn it into a masterpiece.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You have to face any problems directly. As soon as you try to skirt issues or ignore the facts, someone who is watching will confront you with questions. A change at home may be daunting, but it will turn out OK.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t waste time when it comes to financial or personal matters. Be ready to take advantage of anything that leads to a good partnership or financial gain. Love is in the stars, and the chance to bring greater stability and security to your life is evident.





Overheard at Iowa

Guy: Does it count as teen pregnancy if the girl is 20?
Girl: Seriously?
— Quit avoiding the question; if you don’t know the answer, just say so.
(Overheard by Anonymous)

Girl in class: If I could go back in time, I would go to London in the 1800s. But I’d want to be upper class.
Professor: Yeah, I’m pretty sure no one aspires to go back in time so he or she can be a peasant digging in the dirt.
— He should know. It was probably covered somewhere in his doctoral thesis.
(Overheard by Norah Bushman)

Guy 1: Hey, man, can I get a light?
Guy 2: You got three bucks?
Guy 1: You’re seriously gonna charge me for a lighter?
Guy 2: It’s a RECESSION, MAN!
— When those economics classes really start paying off.
(Overheard by Alex Röthlisberger)

Patron [to bank teller]: Yeah, I spent $21 at dinner. And then at the bar I was buying, like, everybody drinks, so that explains the $68 purchase. But I swear those next two purchases were not mine.”
— If only there was a reasonable explanation. Think! Think!
(Overheard by Chris Collier)

Girlfriend: Wow. I can’t believe you waited that long for a quesadilla.
Boyfriend: Well, I’ve been waiting this long for you to put out, so it’s not that unbelievable.
— Even in the Burge Market Place, true love waits. But only for, like, another week. Tops. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.
(Overheard by Steph Worrell)

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