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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): A residential move or investing in something that will grow in value should be considered. Deal with institutions, corporations, or government agencies to clear the way to reach your goals.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A love relationship will be enhanced if you offer your undivided attention. Don’t shy away from a group endeavor because you don’t think you have anything to offer. Your insight and determination will be enough.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Avoid letting someone take advantage of you. It’s important to do your own work well, not someone else’s. A change of plans will leave you stranded if you don’t have an alternative idea in mind.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t stop until you reach your goal. Network and socialize with your peers, and you will be offered an opportunity that far surpasses your current position. Change should be welcomed with open arms.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Travel about looking at real estate or checking a group or activity that interests you. You can learn from the people you meet along the way. A change in the way you do things or the way you live will be advantageous.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You have more to offer than you realize, and if you partner with someone who has as much to contribute as you, there is no limit to what you can achieve. Take control of any conversation about future plans, and you will end up in a power position.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Put your heart into whatever you do for a living. You will come up with a good idea that can turn into a lucrative endeavor. A romantic tie to someone could develop through a work-related event.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Get busy on household duties or improvement plans you want to implement. What you have to offer will change the way someone thinks of you. A change of plans will be to your benefit.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t give in to criticism that isn’t valid. Fight for your rights, or you may end up with a damaged reputation. Don’t push anyone who is not responsive to your advances. Someone less visible will be hiding something of importance.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Look at your options, and you’ll come up with unique ideas that will help you get ahead professionally. Learn from your past, and you will be able to take advantage of a situation that unfolds. Get in touch with someone you haven’t seen for some time.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A short trip will pay off. Get involved in conversations that will help you understand a situation better. An uncertainty you face financially will finally be cleared up so that you can move ahead with your plans.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Money, contracts, deals, and, in general, getting ahead monetarily are apparent if you take charge. A relationship you have with someone special will be enhanced by the decisions you make. Negotiations will favor you.

 

 

 

 


How to get to Carnegie Hall

• Stand in the place where you live.

• Now face north.

• Walk until get to that one restaurant where you ate last year with Sarah and her friend. Mike, was it? Maybe Tom.

• Turn counterclockwise four minutes at 225 degrees.

• Go four blocks east, two blocks south, and call your mother more often.

• Walk due east into the setting sun.

• Take a left where the deli used to be.

• By this point, you’ll probably be hungry.

• Talk to the man with walking his lizard. He will sell you a map for a quarter. DO NOT make direct eye contact with the lizard.

• The map will lead you to a woman named Florence. She’ll tell you her name is Melanie, but she’s lying — it’s Florence.

• Florence will ask you a series of three riddles. The answer to all three is “No.”

• Upon gaining access to the Inner Sanctum of the Black Sun, take a right, pass the bathrooms, and go down the smaller of the two onyx staircases.

• No, I said the smaller of the two onyx staircases. Jeez, can’t you follow simple directions?

• Defeat the Red Dragon guarding the Doorway of Light with the Sword of Herodotus you salvaged from Atlantis.

• Traverse the Doorway of Light, gaining the Everknowledge of Asclepius.

• (Knock first, though; don’t be rude.)

• Using the Everknowledge, obtain a medical degree.

• Using the medical degree, practice, practice, practice.











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